Trickle
by Beast of Honor
Summary: Quistis is completely infatuated with Seifer, but there is something very deadly between them. Though it only swims through one person, it can kill the mind of everyone else watching. Rated 'R' for Mature Themes
1. Dreamers

****

Trickle - 1 - Dreamers

__

[She completely held his world together.]

April 3

This morning, I woke up without a struggle. I don't know, for some reason it felt like there was something to wake up for. But when I got out of bed, and made my morning cup of coffee, I sat back and realized that things are still the same. Things are always the same. I would roam Balamb Garden like I usually do, giving my little "Please don't run in the hall" speeches and my occasional "Hello's" to the students that passed me.

I was hoping that I would run into him today and catch him doing something that I could scold him for. I guess the only reason I actually want to yell at him is because he'll stand there and actually argue back--well, not really argue, more like convince me that he would never do a bad thing. It's weird; sometimes I actually believe that he would never do a bad thing, but when I look at the scar carved into his face I'm brought back to my senses.

I wonder where he is. Today seems so empty without his little cocky comebacks stuck in the back of my head.

.

I closed the cover of the hardback book that held everything about me inside. The outside was torn and tattered, dying and used; struggling to still hold all the pages; those pages that contained everything. In a way, the book sort of resembled me. Sometimes, I feel like I'm ready to just let go. To let everything out to somebody, anybody. But so far nobody is willing to listen.

My hair was starting to fall out of the bun that I carefully took my time doing this morning. It was driving me mad. Always falling into my face, and tickling my cheeks. That feeling reminded me of my childhood. Playing in the sand with Squall, flirting with him, chasing him, getting to know him...touching him.

I slammed my hand down on the desk, reached behind my head and pulled the pin that was half-way falling out of my hair off. Golden hair fell back against my neck. I loved those days, they were the best. But how could something so good be so painful to remember?

It was only 9:37 p.m. but I felt like I had gone days without sleeping. The moon was shining through my window and my bed was calling my name, but in a strange way I didn't want to sleep. I didn't really feel like dreaming and there was nothing to look forward to the next day, so what's the point?

The room was too silent and dark. It was hard to breathe in a place like this even though I grew up in these kinds of rooms. I decided to go outside.

Outside of my room the halls were very quiet; it was worse than my room. I stopped and wondered for awhile where everyone was, but then I remembered that there was a field exam the next day and everyone needed the rest. Good thing it wasn't my class. I don't really feel like instructing students and informing them about the "Dangers in Battle".

Breathing in deeply; this addicting silence, I continued walking down the hall.

I wanted to talk to someone, but whom? Zell is probably asleep or too busy with his metal knuckles and punching bags to carry an interesting conversation. Selphie and Irvine were probably out partying. Rinoa and Squall? Who knows? Maybe I should walk past his room, just in case.

I stepped quietly through the halls trying to not let my footsteps echo through the building. I could see his door from here. To my surprise, it suddenly opened. Stopping in my tracks, I stood there and waited to see who it was.

Squall, without his jacket on, in a white T-shirt, his boots and his black jeans. He looked so naked without grayish-brown fur surrounding his face. He turned around slowly; facing the door to make sure it would shut quietly. 

I still stood there not saying anything, hoping he would notice me and actually talk to me. I was kind of wondering where he was going too.

After letting go of the doorknob slowly, he was about to turn and walk down the hall when he turned quickly and looked at me.

"Wow, you scared me." He said startled, his voice breaking the silence

"Sorry, didn't mean to...where are you going?"

"I'm thirsty." He said laughing and shaking his hand. I could hear the change swishing around in his fist.

"Ah, alright...you're so secretive about it; I thought maybe you were planning on escaping from Rinoa or something." I said giving a fake little laugh at my own pathetic joke. 

He gave a vague smile and looked down.

I stepped towards him so we didn't have to talk so loud. Our voices weren't really loud, it just seemed that way to me.

"What are you doing out here?" He asked with a concerned look.

"Oh, got bored, I couldn't sleep and decided to go for a little walk." I said tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. 

He nodded.

"Well, you can walk with me to the soda machines outside, if you want to."

__

Does this mean he wanted to talk to me? Was he just feeling sorry for me? Will he actually listen if I try to talk to him?

"-noa's sleeping and I have to hurry back in case she wakes up."

I blinked slowly and came back to reality. I didn't really catch what he just said, but I nodded and smiled as if I did.

"Sure, I'll walk with you."

He smiled and waited for me to take my first step down the hall.

We didn't really talk about much on our way outside. We just spoke of little things; like the field exam tomorrow, how Rinoa's been really tired a lot lately, how Selphie and Irvine spend too much time outside of Balamb late at night, things like that. The conversation was so pointless.

I was hoping I'd run into someone else that I could talk to. It's not that Squall wasn't great company; I was just getting tired of hearing of his days with the "great and beautiful" Rinoa. 

Yeah, I guess I was jealous. In fact, I knew I was. Here I spent my whole life trying to open him up and trying to make him see how much he meant to me, but nothing seemed to shake him. He didn't know Rinoa that long, but I could tell even when he denied his feelings that she completely held his world together. 

Rinoa is a great person. She's so easy to love, but then again so easy to hate. She had everything.

I sighed

"--Work to do, and I just got this incredible craving for something cold and in a can---"

He stopped talking, and gave a quick glance at me.

"I'm sorry; I know I ramble a lot late at night."

"No, no, it's not that..." I added reassuringly. "I just have a LOT of work to do, and I'm wondering how I'm going to get it all done."

That lie was so easy to see through. I wonder if he could see how bored I was getting.

He didn't say anything.

We finally reached the soda machines. He inserted the change quickly. One of the quarters fell back into the change slot. Casually and a bit embarrassed, he put it back into the little slit.

It came back out.

He let out a frustrated sigh.

I reached out and grabbed the quarter before he could.

"Here, let me try."

I raised the coin to my mouth and licked the quarter.

He stood there with a nervous look on his face. I'm not sure what he was thinking; "Oh, here goes Quistis, trying to work her charm on me again."

I laughed.

"Relax Squall; it's a trick I learned from somebody."

I placed the quarter into the slit and listened to it slide down the machine. It worked.

He stood there amazed.

I laughed and moved a little piece of hair away from my eyebrow.

"Are you going to choose what soda you want?"

"Oh, right, right." He laughed.

After the little scenario at the soda machines was over, we headed back inside the building.

"Hey! What are you guys doing out here this late?!"

We stopped in our tracks. We didn't need to turn around, we could already tell by the excited-ness in her voice which student was behind us.

She ran in front of us. Her yellow dress looked dim and her usual soft bouncy hair looked a bit tangled and matted to her head.

"I think the better question is, what are you doing out this late, looking like you were rolling around in a pile of bushes?" Squall asked laughing and throwing his soda can from one hand to the other. 

Selphie ran her fingers through her hair trying to de-tangle it.

"Oh--nothing, Irvine and I got a little bored and there was this little party some kids were holding outside of Balamb and we decided to go."

Squall and I looked at each other with the kind of "I know what they did at the party" smiles.

It got silent.

"Where's Irvine?" I asked breaking the quietness that came too often.

"Back there." She pointed towards the soda machines to a stumbling, drunk looking Irvine.

We all stood and watched him approach, making sure none of us had to run up to him and catch him from tripping over the smallest things.

Squall let out a laugh like that's what he was expecting.

"Well Selphie, we have to be heading back inside." He added.

"Oh. Alright, well see you guys later." Selphie said happily, but still staring at Irvine with a concerned face.

Squall started walking, but stopped when he saw that I wasn't following.

I turned and looked at him

"Oh! Don't worry about me; I think I'm going to just hang out here for a bit."

He got a disappointed look on his face and kept on walking.

"Alright, I'll see you later then." He called back.

I turned back around and noticed that Selphie was over by the soda machines now carrying Irvine back like a wounded soldier; with one of his arms around her neck and her arm around his waist.

He was walking slowly and it was keeping her from getting to me.

I suddenly saw a shadowy character a little bit behind them. Although it was dim-lit outside, I could tell who it was by the way he walked so quickly and confidently.

A smile grew upon my lips.

"Well, well, well! If it isn't the Instructor herself! What're you doing out at this time? Meeting somebody?" His cocky voice sounded so calming to me.

I stared at him for awhile, trying to erase my smile but I couldn't help it.

He raised his eyebrows and waited for my response.

I looked behind him at Selphie and Irvine who were now close to us and looked back at him.

He gave them a quick glance and looked back at me.

"Are you not going to talk tonight, or what?" He asked, sounding a little annoyed.

I opened my mouth to answer him.

"I'm out here beca--"

"I'm going to take Irvine to his room, he needs to sleep."

"Of course." I said nodding my head; glad that she cut into what I was going to say to Seifer. I didn't really know what I was going to say to him anyway.

I looked at him.

He was giving Irvine a disgusted look, like he was a bug found in a drink.

Irvine was oblivious to what was going on around him. He didn't say anything.

"Bye Quisty!"

Selphie completely ignored Seifer, maybe she saw the way he was looking at Irvine.

I looked down embarrassed. I didn't really like the fact that she called me Quisty. Seifer just looked at me, pressing his lips tight trying not to laugh at my little pet name. Oh great, he just discovered a new thing he didn't know about me that he won't let go of for days.

__

["It's taken me all this time, to find out what I needed."]  
-Bush


	2. Hands

****

Trickle - 2 - Hands

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[I've just never felt hands that cold before.]

.

I tried to ignore the way he was smiling at me; it looked so playful and kind. But how could I ignore something like that?

The only thing I could think of was walking back towards Balamb Garden's entrance, turning my back to him.

"Ah, so I take it you're giving me the silent treatment?"

I stayed quiet for a while.

"No, I'm just going for a little walk."

"Great! I have nothing to do; I think I'll join you!"

I let out a disappointed moan so he wouldn't see how happy I was, good thing my back was turned to him. Other wise, he would've seen the huge smile spread across my lips.

He jogged up and walked beside me.

"Shouldn't you be asleep or something?" I asked trying to sound annoyed.

__

Shut up Quistis! This is what you wanted isn't it? Do you want to scare him away and end up walking around out here alone until your boredom gets the best of you and your eyelids are too heavy to hold open?!

"No." He answered innocently, removing his gloves.

"Oh yes, I forgot you're Seifer; the one who never sleeps, the one who wrecks havoc when there is no one awake to stop you. Well, sorry to burst your bubble "Mr. Rebel", but I'm awake." I said snottily, crossing my arms.

"Haha, you know you're pretty funny when you get annoyed!" He said laughing at my desperate act to seem cool and collected around him.

I didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult, I just turned my head to my left and let out a little smirk that ended up sounding more like a sneeze.

"Bless you?" He said questioningly, not sure if what I just did was a cough or a sneeze.

I didn't say anything.

"Anyway, what are you doing out here? Students aren't supposed to be outside of Balamb after 8:00 p.m. unless they're out on missions."

"What makes you think I was outside of Balamb?" 

"Oh come on Seifer, I only saw you walking from the gates."

"Ah, shows how much of an observer you are!"

I gave him a confused look.

He laughed.

"Oh my dear Quistis, I was only exploring Balamb. You know, it's harder to see all the impurities of this school when you're viewing it in the dark."

He tucked his gloves into the pockets of his pants and looked at me to see my reaction for listening to him bash the school which I taught in.

I didn't say anything.

"Find anything special?"

"Yeah, I did actually, it's this great little…hole, I guess you could call it."

"A hole." 

"Yeah, it'd be a great place to hide out if the school was ever under attack. Would you like to see it?"

__

Of course I wanted to see it! Not only did I want to see what was so special about it, but I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could.

"Sure, I guess."

"Great, it's this way." He pointed towards the entrance of the school.

We walked in silence. I was beginning to hate it. The only thing you could hear was our footsteps lightly touching the gravel and an occasional sniff from Seifer, whom I'm guessing was developing a cold.

I had to break the silence.

"No Fujin or Raijin tonight?" I asked smiling and looking at him.

He pressed his lips tight and shook his head with a look on his face like he never used to spend his days and nights hanging out with those two.

"Oh."

"Sometimes they get on my nerves. They're just a bunch of assholes. They think I can't see how they only agree with me to get on my good side."

"I thought I was the only one who noticed that." I said half-serious.

He didn't say anything.

We reached the gates and he gently grabbed my arm. Each finger wrapped around my skin, and he led me to this little path on just the opposite of the entrance.

__

Oh, please don't let go.

"Yeah, sometimes it's better to be left alone than be surrounded by idiots all of the time."

He added, letting go of my arm and placing his hands into his pockets.

"I know what you mean, but when I used to see you guys together all three of you always looked like you were having such a grand time."

I replied, acting like I never noticed that he grabbed my arm and held onto longer than he should have.

"Well, like I said earlier…shows how much of an observer you are. That laughter and those smiles weren't real."

__

A normal person wouldn't stand here and take insults, but I guess he's right. I'm not a good observer. All I know is I wished I could've been around him when he was smiling and laughing; even if it wasn't real. God, what's my problem?

I looked down at the dirt path we were walking. I've seen this path before and I've seen students walking it. I've walked it once, but I don't remember a "hole".

"So are we almost there, or is this going to take longer?" 

"It's up ahead, a little bit more. You're the one who agreed to see it, so you shouldn't be complaining." He said seriously.

__

He was right. Oh no, am I getting on his bad side? Was I ever on his good side?

He began walking towards a "Restricted Area".

"Seifer, what are you doing? You can't go back there, alarms will sound off everywhere!"

I said, sounding a bit excited and nervous.

"Man Quistis, you have to learn how to live a little. However, your living is going to have to start somewhere else because a couple other guys and I already turned the alarm off."

He walked over and lifted up the rope that was blocking our path.

I closed my eyes and waited for the alarm to start shrieking in our ears. 

Nothing happened.

"Is there an approximate time you're waiting to enter, or can you come in now?"

He stood there holding the rope up, waiting for me to walk under.

I looked at the ground, shook my head slowly and entered the area.

"Did you really think I would get my very own instructor in trouble?" He asked, patting my back.

I smiled at an angle that he could see.

"Why Ms.Trepe, I think that's the first real smile I've seen in a long time!" He said rubbing his hands together as if he were cold.

I ignored his comment.

"Your hands are cold?" I asked, surprised. 

It was so nice outside, not one breeze of cold air.

"They're always cold; naturally."

"Can I feel?"

__

I suddenly felt stupid. I could've just believed him, but I wanted to feel them.

He looked down at them to see what was so special about touching cold hands and held one out to me.

__

There it was, outstretched, waiting for me to touch it.

I kind of just stared at them and looked back at him.

I expected him to be staring at me with a bored look, but instead he kept walking with his hand held out to me, focused on our destination.

I reached out and grabbed it. His hands looked so different. Maybe it was the darkness. Maybe it's because they weren't covered in gloves. But the hands that I was so used to seeing hurt people, now looked so defenseless and gentle.

I ran my finger down each one of his, noticing how cold they really were. 

When I rolled my finger down the center of his hand his fingers closed suddenly and he pulled away.

"Are you trying to read my fortune or something?" He shoved his hands back into his pockets quickly.

"No, it's just that I---"

__

Come on, get it out.

"I just never---"

__

Come on! You're so close to saying it.

"I've just never felt hands that cold before."

__

...

"Sure you haven't." 

"I haven't!" I added, trying to lead him to believe that I didn't want to pour everything I have tangled up inside of me, into his hands for him to sort out.

"Mm-Hmm." He said through his smiling lips.

__

Oh God, does he know?

"Look, I'm getting kind of tired; I think I'm going to head inside now."

I said, faking fatigue.

"Oh." He said disappointed.

"Maybe you would like to see it tomorrow night?" He asked hopefully.

"Sure, sure." I said, reassuring him that it didn't really matter to me.

"Okay."

I looked at him, waiting to see if he would start begging me to stay.

He didn't. He just stood there and waited for me to turn around and start walking all the way back.

"Right. So, Goodnight Seifer."

"Goodnight Quisty!" He said mimicking the excited-ness that's always in Selphie's voice.

I tried to make a disgusted face at him, but it turned more into a laugh.

Wishing I didn't say I was leaving, I started walking back to the rope he held up for me earlier.

A little bit down the path, I turned to see if he was still standing there looking at me.

He wasn't. He was walking towards "The hole", I guess, which he was so excited to show me.

__

Dammit Quistis! What the hell is your problem? You know you're not going to go to sleep when you get to your room! You had him where you wanted, alone and strange enough in a joking around-happy form. 

I covered my eyes in disgust with myself and walked back to my silent, empty room.

[_Since we're feeling so anesthetized in our comfort zone; it reminds me of the second time that I followed you home.]  
- Placebo_


	3. Crashing

****

Trickle - 3 - Crashing

__

[I could've stayed in this position all day, watching him.]

.

April 4

"The day of the field exam. Outside of my room door I can hear a bunch of kids scurrying about, screaming to each other "What if I mess everything up?!" "What time are we leaving?" Or, "Is my uniform on correctly?"

For my own safety of not being mauled by a bunch of unprepared students, I locked my door.

I can't stop thinking about what happened last night. I never imagined that his hand would be placed in mine. I never imagined that he'd be so into showing me something that he found to be interesting. I never imagined that he would start walking with me in the first place.

It's 7:13 a.m. 

I woke up at 5:00 this morning and sat in bed until I couldn't sit anymore. I walked around the building listening in on some dorm rooms from the doors. At 5:50 the sound of showers turning on and medicine cabinets opening and closing was all that could be heard. I could smell the fresh cinnamon rolls being prepared in the cafeteria and could hear the doors to the library and training center being unlocked. 

I wonder if Seifer is awake.

.

I stood up from my desk, reached behind my head to make sure my bun was still neatly in place and headed for the door.

Out in the hallway things were more crowded than I expected. There were kids everywhere in SeeD uniforms leaning up against walls, chatting with other students, some with excited faces, and some with worried looks.

I narrowed my eyes and looked further down the hall. I could see Squall from where I was standing, talking to three unprepared SeeDs. From the motions he was making with his hands I could tell he was describing when he had to run like hell during his mission in Dollet.

I laughed quietly. Even from here I could tell he was over-exaggerating.

Standing next to him was Rinoa propped up against his shoulder listening in on his story. She was giving little laughs and shocked faces along with the other three and occasionally cutting in, asking them how nervous they were and laughing with Squall at their responses.

I turned and looked down the other side of the hall. I could see Selphie, Irvine, and Zell approaching, each carrying a plate of cinnamon rolls and a cup of orange juice. I laughed at Zell's attempt as he tried to walk through the crowded hall with two cups of juice; two in one hand, and a plate with the "Leaning Tower of Cinnamon Rolls" piled on top.

It was too comical to look away, so I continued watching. 

"What's up Quistis?" Irvine yelled from the crowd when he finally noticed me. I could tell he was doing much better than he was last night.

I waved.

When they finally approached me, I asked them what they were doing in the hallway with their breakfast.

"Man! You should see the cafeteria! It's packed!" Zell exclaimed, relieved that he didn't have to worry about anyone knocking over his plate of cinnamon rolls since he stopped walking.

"And of course," he continued, "With a cafeteria that full, the hotdogs were all taken."

All three of us laughed.

"Where are you guys planning on eating those?" 

"Oh, we were going to go to Irvy's room to eat and maybe watch some t.v."

How exciting.

I nodded.

"Well, since you guys are standing right in front of my room, do you want to eat in here?"

I placed my hand on the doorknob and waited for their response, before I turned it.

"Sure! That'd be great!" Selphie said happily; jumping up, splashing a little bit of orange juice on Irvine's brown coat.

I turned the knob. "Alright."

They all piled into my room quickly and each found a place to sit. Irvine sat on the ground with Selphie leaning up against him, Zell at my desk, near my _open _journal.

After closing the door, I walked over quickly, picked it up and set it on my nightstand.

Zell didn't even notice. He finished one cup of juice and began working on his cinnamon rolls.

"So, is there anything else going on today? I mean, besides the Field exam and all?"

Selphie asked with her mouth full.

"I don't think so." I answered walking over to my bed and folding the blankets.

"It was the weirdest thing Quistis, I was walking---"

I became so intent with folding my blankets and fluffing my pillows that I didn't really hear what Irvine was saying.

"--I mean, why would Seifer want to talk to you? No offense or anything, but he never wants to talk to anybody."

I froze.

"What?" I turned around and focused on Irvine.

"Yeah, I was in the Library today to get something, not because I was studying. Actually, now that I think of it, I was walking past the library..."

"Irvine! What did Seifer say to you?" I asked, ignoring his embarrassment about being in the library.

"Oh, right...um, he just asked me where you were and stuff."

"Is that all? He just wanted to know where I was."

"Yeah."

"He didn't say anything else?"

"Nope, wow Quistis, do you like him or something? Usually you don't give a rat's ass what Seifer said."

I stayed quiet.

"She just cares, Irvy. I mean, if someone was asking for me I would want to know what else they said. Well, not as much as Quistis does, but I would want to know why he wants to see me too."

Selphie cut in, tearing apart her cinnamon roll and winking at me.

"That dork has the hots for you Quistis. I can see it, clear as my reflection."

Zell added, turning around in his chair to face me with his mouth full, holding his cup of juice.

"What? No he doesn't." I said, trying not to smile.

"Sure he does! He wants you! He needs you! Hey, maybe if he got some in a while, he'd stop being such a pain in the ass!"

He replied, laughing, and taking a drink.

"Zell, that's enough." 

"No, wait, I think Zell's right Quistis. I mean, why else would a guy want to talk to a girl so much? He wants to get some action! And I think you're the girl he wants to get it from!" Irvine said, shaping his hand like a gun and shooting it at me.

Selphie sat up from Irvine's shoulders.

"So are you only talking to me to get "some action?!" She quoted with her fingers.

"No darling', you know I love you!"

He reassured, pulling her closer to him.

She responded by hugging him and kissing him on the cheek.

Zell and I looked at each other with confused faces.

__

Boy, she sure does forgive him easily.

"I'm going to go get some coffee." I said, tucking my notebook away in a drawer, instead of leaving it on the nightstand for hungry, peering eyes and heading towards the door.

"Yeah right, she's going to go find Seifer" Zell said holding his clasped hands up and fluttering his eyelashes.

"Shut up Zell!" Selphie yelled, throwing remains of Irvine's cinnamon roll at him.

Zell tried catching it in his mouth, but instead it landed on the floor.

I stared down at it. 

"Sorry." Zell said laughing and throwing the piece on the floor away.

"I'll be back soon, if I'm not, please turn off all the lights when you leave. Try not to make too much of a mess."

.

Back in the hall, it was still noisy and crowded.

Irvine said he saw Seifer in the Library.

I walked past Squall and Rinoa who were now surrounded by 5 SeeDs, all staring at him with intent eyes, listening to him talk about using GF's.

Doesn't that _ever_ get boring to him?

"Hey Quistis." Rinoa said waving to me after I walked past the crowd.

I turned around, waved and continued on my way. When I made it to the library I hesitated before I walked through the door.

.

So far, the only people I saw inside were the ones getting ready to leave in about an hour for the exam. Most of them were standing next to the bookshelves holding books, skimming through what they should've learned in class for the past 2 weeks. When they didn't find what they wanted, they put the book back quickly and searched in the shelves for a different book.

I walked beyond them to the area with all the tables. There were more kids, some taking notes from books for more advanced SeeDs and some chatting away. 

I stood there and looked at every single table hoping to find him sitting at one.

Finally, at the far end of the room I saw Fujin, Raijin, and Seifer. Fujin was leaning up on the table, flirting with Raijin; giving him the occasional "Oh stop it!" flirtatious hit on the arm and the usual batting of the eyelashes.

Seifer sat there with his forehead placed in one hand and twirling a pencil with the other. His face was so expressionless while he was trying to make his pencil twirling interesting by doing little flips with it every now and then. He looked so bored.

I just stood there leaning up on a nearby bookshelf. I could've stayed in this position all day watching him. 

He finally dropped the pencil, rubbed his eyes and sat back in the chair with his arms crossed watching Fujin and Rajin act like complete idiots around each other.

I was hoping he wouldn't notice me, but then, I was hoping he did.

"Hi Quistis!" One of my former students said loudly; waving to me from the other side of the room.

I turned, waved to her and quickly looked at Seifer, who heard my name and was now searching the library for me with his arms still crossed and his calm eyes.

I fumbled for any book in the shelf nearby and ended up knocking down three to the floor from my panicking. Quickly, I opened the book to any page to act like I wasn't the one who knocked them down. But then again, I was the only one standing near this bookshelf.

"Quistis, honey, those books aren't going to pick themselves up". The Librarian came over and placed her hand on my shoulder. I'm guessing she came back here to see what all the noise was.

__

Oh god, I hope Seifer is still searching the library for me, and didn't see what just happened.

I quickly looked over at him. He was sitting there laughing at my accident. I closed my eyes, shut the book I was holding and bent down to pick up the ones on the floor.

"Thanks Honey." The librarian said, reaching down, patting my shoulder and walking away.

"Aww, you're helping out the librarian now?" He asked, talking to me like I was a little kid.

I reached for the book nearest to his foot and looked up at him.

"Nope, just knocked some books down that's all." I tried sounding casual, but my voice instead sounded kind of shaky and out of breath.

He reached down and grabbed the book from my hand; the one that I was pretending to read. He examined the cover, flipped through the pages and placed it back down next to my hand, not saying anything.

__

What no insult? No "I didn't know you were into, blah-blah", whatever the book was about. What was the book about anyways?

I looked over at the book near my hand and read the title carefully, and slowly. The words seemed to burn into my eyes, scream into my ears and slap me right in my face. 

__

"10 Ways to Enhance Your Sex Life!"

After staring at the picture of the half-naked couple on the cover, I grabbed the book quickly and placed it under the others I was collecting off the floor.

Why didn't Seifer say anything? Was he expecting to find a book like that in my hand? Or was he too embarrassed?

__

I didn't even try to explain my reason for having that book, because it would just be pointless and he'll make me feel dumb for it, anyway.

After clearing away all of the evidence that showed I just made an ass of myself, I turned and walked away.

"Hey, wait up! I wanted to talk to you about something!" He said walking to me and grabbing my shoulder.

I turned around and just stared at him blankly.

"Uh, do you know when the uh…do you know when everyone is leaving for the exam?" He asked, stopping to think about what he just said.

"Umm…yeah, they're leaving at 9:00 a.m. The time they always leave." I replied rudely.

"Oh, right." 

He rubbed the back of his neck.

"So, um. Have you had breakfast yet? 'Cause me Raijin, and Fujin were going to get something to eat, but I don't really feel like going with them."

"Well, I'm not really hungry but I desperately need some caffeine in my body." 

"Does that mean you'll accompany me to the cafeteria?"

"Sure, I guess." 

I smiled and completely forgot about the incident that just happened back there.

__

["I want to try that pill that people take; makes you believe all the things that people say."]  
-RES


	4. Stars

****

Trickle - 4 - Stars

__

[I could've walked around him in 300 circles and never get dizzy, only happier.]

.

After he got his breakfast and I got my coffee, we walked around the school 3 times, talking about the most meaningless things. It was strange; most of my conversations with people have been really empty lately. But this "information-less" talk with Seifer was probably one of the most meaningful I've ever had.

Of course, he didn't really have to say anything. All he would have to do is look directly at me and I would feel like I'm ready to take on the world.

He explained to me how he got caught walking from the "Restricted Area" last night, so they sent guards there to patrol the area and stop any other intruders. It really pissed him off. I could tell by his use of words when describing the guards. "Assholes, sons of bitches." 

It made me kind of mad too; I was really hoping I could see it with him.

I was floating on cloud nine. Things were so perfect. He actually wanted to spend time with me. I could've walked around him in 300 circles and never get dizzy, only happier.

Why did I feel this way about him? What's so special about him? Maybe it's because I can now see hat he actually is alive. He feels, he hurts, he just doesn't show it as much as other people do.

My feeling of strength and courage to finally tell him everything disappeared when we were approached by Rajin and Fujin, who claimed that they had learned some new battle moves and wanted to practice them with Seifer.

__

Ha! I finally got him to open up. He's talking to me about everything on his mind. Do you think he's going to leave to practice some "battle moves"?

Yeah, that's exactly what he did.

He just smiled at me, waved goodbye and walked off with them.

__

What the hell?

I stood there in front of the training center, still holding my now cold cup of coffee. I was hoping he would run back out and apologize, begging me to forgive him for such poor manners.

He didn't.

.

At 9:14 p.m. most of the SeeDs were piling into the building; excited and jumpy, with their hair matted to their heads and dust caked onto their uniforms. Some, which were suffering from minor cuts and scratches lined up in front of the infirmary.

I quickly ducked from some of the SeeDs who were in a hugging frenzy with their girlfriends and boyfriends in the hall and entered my room.

I was surprised when I noticed how clean those three had left it. Everything was in such perfect order; even my pillows seemed to look fluffier than they usually do.

After Seifer left, I spent most of my time sitting in the library; talking to some students I used to have. Asking them how things were in life and noticed that everyone was having such a grand time except me.

The intercom on my dorm wall beeped, meaning there was an incoming message to everyone in the building.

"Hello there!"

A cheery female voice sounded out. It wasn't Selphie.

"We would like to congratulate and welcome back the SeeDs who did a great job following directions and working under extreme pressure during the field exam!"

She clapped her hands in front of the microphone and in the background I could hear some other people in the room letting out a couple of muffled sounding "Hoorays!" and "Woo-Hoo's!"

"So, on behalf of the Garden Festival Committee and me, we will be hosting our 2nd SeeD ball of the year, tomorrow night at 6:30 p.m. If you need anymore information or you would like to help out with decorating, please speak to any members from the Committee. That is all and once again..."

All the people in the room with the female speaker take deep breaths and scream into the microphone.

"...CONGRATULATIONS SeeDS!"

Outside of my door, I can hear everyone cheering happily and loudly.

__

Oh god, another ball?

I sat down and rested my head on my desk.

I really should be getting to sleep. There's no point in going outside and waiting for Seifer to show me his great "Secret Hide-out". Besides, if I know Seifer as well as I think I do, he's probably still in the Training Center. Either that or he was in his room; polishing his Gunblade and cussing about the SeeD ball.

I laughed at the thought of him sitting in a chair, with his boxers on and a wet rag. Scrubbing away furiously at the piece of metal saying something like "Damn SeeD balls are so pointless."

I walked over and settled into my bed.

__

Oh how I would love to see something like that.

.

[I've been crossed, like a river between you and I. Now I am wondering why I can't remember your name. I can't remember.]  
- Vixtrola


	5. Ordinary

****

Trickle - 5 - Ordinary

__

[The face I used to consider being mine was pale and drawn.]

.

April 5

I picked a really bad day to wake up late. It's 3:45 p.m. I woke up about an hour ago. God, what am I turning into? I'm usually awake when the sun kisses my floor, but for some reason I didn't want to get out of bed. It's not that I was extremely tired, I just dreaded going to the ball. 

I can't just decide not to go. No, Quistis has to be there to go around and shake the hands of people she doesn't know. She has to give students lessons on drinking at the after-parties they usually hold at Deling City. She has to stand there alone with a half empty glass of wine and watch everyone dance because people are so damn used to seeing that.

There's someone knocking on my door but I don't think I'm going to answer it. It's probably Selphie waiting to ask me if I want to help decorate.

Geez, I must fake my smiles really good at those balls if she thinks I really want to help out.

Will something different ever happen to this life? Am I going to be stuck in this certain page forever? I noticed today everyone has moved on with his or her life. Rinoa grows more beautiful every day. Squall still has trouble expressing his feelings, but at least he tries to talk to about them now. Selphie and Irvine are starting to reach a more serious point in their relationship. Zell was offered a chance to battle in a contest being held in Deling City sometime in the summer. And look at me. Still sitting here, whining to a book how things never turn out the way I want them to. God, I'm so pathetic.

Speaking of pathetic, I can't stop thinking about what Seifer and I would've been doing last night if Fujin and Raijin didn't interrupt us. What those two really need is a good punch in the nose. I'd be more than happy to give it to them.

.

My reflection is starting to look different. The face I used to consider being mine was now pale and drawn and my lips that used to love company now handed out counterfeit ideas and laughter. They needed more color.

I reached for the lipstick I've kept by my sink for the longest time and decided since it was a special occasion; I'd have an excuse to wear it.

It was a color that was very out of date. But strange enough, it blended in with my peach colored outfit perfectly. 

No matter how hard I try to look different, things never work out. I always look so normal, so ordinary.

I decided to leave my hair down instead of the usual bun.

It's 5:40, my plans are to stay in here until 5:50, when there's usually only 3 people left roaming the halls. 

There'd be no point in leaving now. There'd a big line for the elevator and even worse, a huge line to the entrance of the ball.

I guess the only right thing to do right now would be to sit at a desk and twirl a pencil or head down to the library and check out "10 ways to enhance your Sex Life!"

I decided not to do either one of those and walked over to my window.

Outside I could see Fujin, Raijin, and Seifer, who were all dressed very sharply, standing by the entrance talking to some guards.

My guess is that Seifer is complaining about the guards near the "Restricted Area". He wasn't yelling though. He was talking very calmly, while those two idiots behind him cheered him on.

__

Ah, he has a way about him. He convinces anything to anybody.

The guard nodded his head and Seifer smiled, gave him a quick pat on the back and walked away.

Fujin and Raijin were still standing by the guard playing around; too busy to notice that Seifer was walking away. He didn't mind though, things would be a lot easier if they never followed him around in the first place.

It was 5:57.

I shut off my lights and headed towards the elevators hoping I would run into him.

.

It was so crowded down here; it was hard to find just one person. But, towards the front of the line I could see the whole gang; Squall and Rinoa, Selphie and Irvine, and Zell.

I rushed to them hoping I wouldn't get lost in this line. 

Someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned quickly.

It was Seifer, he gave a little wave.

"Oh my goodness, you scared me."

"I scared you?"

"Yeah, it's just that crowds frighten me and--"

I stopped when I saw Fujin and Raijin standing behind him.

How the hell did they get up here so quickly?

Fujin was looking me up and down with a disgusted look on her face and Raijin was turned around talking to someone behind him. Seifer was still waiting for my response.

"Never mind."

"Do you have a special place in line or are you..." He gasped. "...Planning on cutting in front of some people?!" He had a jokingly fearful look on his face.

"I--uh…I was going to go stand with Squall and all them." I pointed to the front of the line.

"Squall?" He retorted.

I smiled at him.

"Yes, Squall." I said proudly.

He looked away.

The lines were beginning to move and I noticed that I was still standing here with Seifer. If I had walked up to Squall and everyone else I'd be boarding the elevator right now.

Seifer wasn't saying anything, but when he saw my little four-some through the glass of the elevator going up, he laughed.

"Looks like your plans are ruined."

"Oh, darn. Whatever will I do?" I tried blending in with his joking-ness, but I just ended up making not accomplishing anything but confusion.

I blushed and looked down.

__

Quistis, shut up. Stop trying to be funny 'cause you're only making a fool of yourself.

From the window nearby, I could see that the sun was going down and the lights around Balamb were coming on. They became brighter and brighter, as the sun sank lower and lower.

__

Come on Seifer, please talk. Say anything.

We stepped slowly, in complete silence and rode the elevator up to yet an even longer line.

.

__

[If I am silent, I am not real. If I speak up, then no one would hear.]  
- Garbage


	6. Far

****

Trickle - 6 - Far

__

[What's he doing out here? More importantly, did he see you crying?]

.

After entering the ball with a still silent Seifer, I was beginning to regret that I told him I was going to go stand with Squall. 

"Ooh-La-La."

Zell.

I turned and noticed the whole gang holding champagne glasses; shocked faces that I showed up with Seifer. I'd have to say the one with the most surprised face was Rinoa.

There was a really unnatural silence.

"Hey guys!" Selphie smiled.

I said my hellos and waited for Seifer to say something. He just stood there staring at Rinoa.

I looked down sadly. It was obvious what was going on here. He still had feelings for her. I angrily grabbed a champagne glass off the tray of a waiter passing by and gulped most of it down.

__

What did I tell you? She gets everything.

"So! You guys are here together? That's great! I knew Quistis would---"

I moved my finger quickly across my neck so Selphie wouldn't slip something out which would embarrass me. I mean, what was the point in telling him what I felt now? He's completely living for someone else.

Selphie took my hint and quickly swerved what she was saying; trying to turn it into something else.

"--I knew she would be wearing lipstick. You know, I always thought that color looked great on you!"

__

She's never seen me wearing it before.

Seifer looked at me. I guess he never noticed that I had my hair down and my lips painted on. What a fool I was to try and glam myself up. 

I wanted to turn around and leave right now, but I couldn't. I still had to go around and shake the hands of strangers and watch everyone be happy.

He wasn't looking at Rinoa anymore; his eyes were fixed on the ground.

I looked at Rinoa; she had her finger in her glass, stirring the wine inside nervously. Squall had his arm around her and his head lowered asking her something. She nodded and they walked out to the dance floor.

"I'm going to get something to eat." Zell replied, drinking the remains of his wine and walking towards the tables piled high with finger-foods.

Seifer waved to someone on the other side of his room, excused himself and left. God, I knew this night would be a disaster.

"I'm…uh…going to get more of…whatever this is."

I shook my wine, walked away from Selphie and Irvine who were ready to rip each other's clothes off and set my glass down at the refill table.

.

From where I was standing I could see Rinoa and Squall still remembered the steps to their little waltz dance. They did it so perfectly and professionally. Every once in a while Squall did mess up a bit, but not enough to make it that noticeable.

Seifer stood right across from me. He was watching them dance happily. Even from my distance I could see all the rage built up in his eyes. 

__

I can't look at this anymore.

Leaving my glass that the waiter just filled, I walked out onto the balcony.

.

__

Things never go right. I think the main purpose of parties like these is to try and remind people, like me that they're always going to be alone. They're never going to have anyone. They're going to be forced for the rest of their lives to smile, wave and do a little dance for the happiness of other everyone else.

I looked up at the sky. I could feel what I think were tears clouding up my eyes and warming up my cheeks as they slid down smoothly and gracefully.

__

You're so pathetic. Look at you, crying over somebody. Quistis Trepe! You promised yourself that your feelings would never get the best of you.

I know I did. _I know I did._

"You left your drink in there."

__

What's he doing out here? More importantly, did he see you crying?

I turned my head to my left, wiped my eyes and looked back at him. He was standing there, holding the glass. His 3 fingers were pinched to the waist of it, his glove-less fingers.

"Um…that's…" I cleared my throat. "…That's okay, I didn't want it anyways." My voice was breaking, but I was too upset and confused to care.

He shrugged, and dumped it over the balcony. A clear stream flowed out of the container, and splashed hard against the grass below.

"I um…I talked to the guards and they're not blocking the path anymore…that is, if you still want to see it."

__

The hole. I didn't really want to see it anymore, but any place would be better than where I was right now.

"Yeah, sure."

The wine I had drunk earlier was really starting to kick in. I'm not really a big drinker, so I'm guessing that's why only one glass had such an impact on me.

.

__

[My love is mutilation. She moves from the East and Western divides.]  
- Loudermilk

****


	7. Crying

****

Trickle - 7 - Crying

__

[I looked directly at him while 1,000 rivers of tears tried drowning me.]

.

When we reached the area, he walked towards the hole and jumped in calmly and easily. I didn't really know what was going on. But, when I saw him turn around and stare back up at me from his hideout, I realized that he was waiting for me to jump in.

"Oh, right. You're waiting. Okay…"

I took a deep breath, cautiously placed my foot over the ledge and pulled it back quickly. It was like reaching into a warm bath, but finding the water cold.

"If you think too much, you'll screw everything up, and end up hurting yourself."  
"I know that, I can do it. Just give me a minute."

I moved my foot slowly down the path hoping there was a way I could walk down, instead of jump. When I did feel the path go lower, and lower I started to walk down it slowly.

"Ah, you're going to hurt yourself Quistis."

I ignored his comment, and stepped lower.

Suddenly, the dirt beneath caused my foot to slide in front of the other and I slid down the path. Seifer got a concerned look, and reached out to grab me.

The fall was too sudden, it caused me to push him down to the ground and come crashing on top of him.

"Are you OK?" 

__

He was even more beautiful up close. His gray eyes shifted from left to right quickly; examining both of mine. His eyebrows were lowered, and his face seemed so serious, and marked with worry.

I looked behind me. Dust was surrounding the area I just fell from and when it cleared, I saw how high it really was.

"I'm fine, Seifer. I want to tell you something."

"Okay, do you have to be on top of me to tell me?" He laughed, with his hands on my waist trying to lift me off of him. Before he actually could, I lowered my lips to his.

__

They touched for the smallest second. It might as well not even have happened.

"Wait, what are you doing? Get off of me." 

This time, he used all of his strength to push me off. I backed away and watched him dust himself off.

"Is that all you're going to say? Get off of me?"  
"What am I supposed to say?"  
"Well, did you feel anything at all when that happened?"  
"No."

"Seifer, you don't have to pretend with me! You know, I actually believed for awhile that you didn't feel anything, but I know you're much more than that!"

My voice was beginning to rise. He just stood there.

I stayed quiet for awhile.

"You don't have to be brave with me."

I tried climbing back up the dirt ledge I just fell off of. To my surprise, I actually made it up. I started walking back. Seifer followed, climbing it quicker and smoother.

"Wait." He grabbed my arm, and turned me around.  


"I'm sorry. I just, I can't really explain what I felt. But I know it wasn't enough to make an impact."

__

Ouch.

"Oh, so do you think if Rinoa did it to you for that short while, you wouldn't feel anything either? That's it, isn't it? You're still completely in love with Rinoa. Well, I don't know if you noticed but she doesn't even know you're alive."

__

Big mistake Quistis.

His eyebrows lowered, and I suddenly wished that I never had said that.

"_YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME_!" He yelled.

His voice was loud, it caused me to flinch and back away.

"Seifer, don't get crazy, calm--" I choked on what I was going to say. "Calm down, I didn't mean what I just said. What I meant was--"

"You're over here telling me all this and you don't even know what the hell is going on in my life! Why? _I didn't confide in you. I'm not asking you to analyze my life; you couldn't if you tried_."

My lips started to quiver and I began narrowing my eyes, to hold my tears in.

"What I meant to say was…" My voice was slowly raising, and at that very moment I knew exactly what I always wanted to say to him. "…You're over here living for Rinoa and she doesn't know, but did you know that I was living for you?"

He stayed silent.

The only sound that could be heard was my whimpers and the only movement out of the two of us was me wiping my eyes with the palms of my hands.

"I was so relieved, that you would be the one to pull me from everything that's been holding me back in my life. I was so certain."

I looked directly at him while 1,000 rivers of tears tried drowning me.

"You have no idea how much I hold in. Do you think your tears mean anything to me?" He asked, with a disgusted voice.

__

"....."

I closed my eyes slowly thinking of what he just said; letting it sink into every nerve in my body. There was an awful ringing in my ears and when it stopped, the only thing I could hear was his footsteps as he was walking away from me.

.

__

[This must be underwater love. The way I feel it slipping all over me.]  
- Smoke City


	8. Fading

****

Trickle - 8 - Fading

__

[How do you not cry, when you see your life die right in front of you?]

.

April 6

"I still can't believe what happened. I knew someday that I would tell him everything. I just never thought he'd walk away after I said it. Of course, if I told anyone what's going on right now they'd say "Oh yeah, that's Seifer. Just ignore him, he's always like that." But, how do you ignore a dream that keeps recurring in your mind? How do you ignore painful words scarred on your body? How do you look away when beauty smiles at you? How do you breathe when your breath was just taken away? How do you not cry when you see your life die right in front of you? How do you turn your back from the only thing that ever made you happy? How do live your life knowing that nobody cares about you?"

.

April 7

"Nobody knows where Seifer is. I left my room today and when I asked for him people spoke of him as if they didn't even know he existed. Where is he? Is he okay? Is it my fault that he left without saying anything, or is this something Seifer would do? I hope he returns soon, and safely."

.

April 11

"I haven't left my room for 3 days now and people are talking about me as if I died. I'm pretty sure that everyone notices that with Seifer gone, I'm gone. He still didn't come back. I speak to Selphie through my door. She brings me things to eat once and awhile when no one is in the halls. She told me that she's telling the people who work in the office that I came down with something and I'm not going to be able to teach any classes for a while. She also keeps me posted on what's going on with Seifer. Oh, how I love her. I can't let her in though, I'm too afraid to find bystanders with her if I do open the door. Nobody is ever going to see me like this. They could hear me; fine, I don't care. They're just not going to see me."

.

April 16

"He still didn't come back. Where the hell is he? Is he alive?"

.

April 17

"I want to start screaming so loud that I feel better, but soft enough that no one would hear me. I want to cry hard enough that I'll never have to cry again but not so much that someone would notice. I want to smile so wide that I could die happy, but not wide enough for people to question me. I want to run away and never come back and never miss the people that meant something to me. I want to be able to touch him and not end up knowing he never even felt me. I want to just go away, and know that someone misses me."

.

__

[If you go away on this summer day, then you might as well take the sun away.]  
- Emiliana Torrini


	9. Sting

****

Trickle - 9 - Sting

__

[I went completely limp and cried hard into her shoulder like a child that has just scraped her knees.]

.

April 18

"I was staring out of my window the other day hoping I would see him hanging out with Fujin and Raijin. Climbing the entrance gates and playfully swinging back and forth on them. And like children, chasing each other once and awhile.

My world is dying. I ask myself everyday "Quistis, why do you let yourself feel, if it's only going to bring pain that will flood over your pleasure?" 

Sure, it's great to love and even better to be loved, but it's even _greater_ to be alone for the rest of your life. I know what you're thinking. Yes, I probably am crazy for saying that but if anyone could feel what I feel right now chances are you'd probably cheer me on. 

I wish I could've told him everything sooner. I wish that I---"

.

"Quistis, can you please open the door? I need to talk to you about something, it's extremely important."

Selphie's voice echoed into my room.

I set my pencil down, closed my notebook and walked over to the door.

"Is there anyone around?"

"No, it's just me."

I opened the door cautiously, only enough to see her face. She looked at me a bit surprised; I guess she's never seen me in this state before. My eyes were baggy, my lips were frowning and my hair was in a very sloppy bun.

She pushed the door open slowly, wide enough for her to fit in.

"So, how's it going?"

I looked down at myself and looked back at her.

"Right, Quistis will you please sit down?"

I stared at her for awhile and slowly took a seat at my desk.

"I meant over here." She sat on my bed and patted an empty spot beside her. I slowly walked to the bed, and sat down.

__

Please don't tell me what I think you're going to say.

"There have been rumors."  
"What kind of rumors?"

She stayed silent for awhile.

"Well, rumors that someone found a body in the Roshfall Forest, near Timber."  
"So?"  
"The body was described as a fairly tall person with a gray trench coat and a necklace with the name "Almasy" inscribed in it."

__

Everything that I've ever known about him came surging to my head; flashbacks of him sitting in the library twirling pencils and catching my fall when I fell off the cliff. I could hear his voice saying "My hands are always cold". I could see him smiling at me, waving, and walking away.

I looked at her slowly, with tears building up very quickly in my eyes.

"But hey, hey…don't worry, it's just a rumor."

I closed my eyes, and nodded.

"Yes, just a rumor." I tried smiling at her, but only more tears came out.

She put her arms around me, and pulled me close to her. 

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Quistis."

I went completely limp and cried hard into her shoulder like a child that has just scraped her knees.

"Can I get you anything?"

__

Seifer.

"Do you need anything?"

__

Why? Why you?

I pulled away, and turned my face away from her.

"I want to be left alone. Leave, please."

She sat there for awhile, and then finally left.

It's now official. My world is dead. There's no point in living if I'm not going to be able to leave my room anymore. There's no point in leaving my room, if I'm only going to break down every 5 seconds. There's no point in breathing, without him.

.

__

[There's no point in living, if you can't feel alive.]  
-Shirley Manson


	10. Water

****

Trickle - 10 - Water

__

[I couldn't take the feeling of being cold anymore.]

.

Relax Quistis. It's just a rumor, it's just a rumor.

For the remainder of the day, I sat in my bed huddled up, with my back against the wall. The thought of death capturing someone so close absolutely terrified me. The thought of him being gone without me apologizing was too much to deal with. If tears were a certain color you would be able to see all the places I've cried in. You'd see the puddles around my desk, a trail leading to my bed, even on my wall as I hit them in anger with liquefied hands.

Guilt was the only thing surrounding me. I needed to be clean again.

.

It was 3:24 a.m. but I didn't care. I wasn't going anywhere the next day, I didn't need to sleep.

I turned the knob and watched crystal water flow into my bathtub.

__

What if he really is dead?

I stared into the mirror. My reflection was more unrecognizable than ever. My eyes were stained a red color, my cheeks looked flushed, and my lips were just one fine line carefully drawn on.

I looked away and restricted myself from seeing the person who drove him away and rested my elbows on the sink counter.

__

It's OK Quistis; everything is going to be OK.

After standing there for a full 7 minutes in that position, I removed my clothes and stepped into the bathtub. I sat down slowly, trying to adjust to the frigidness. I usually always felt so clean just sitting in icy water, but I couldn't take the feeling of being cold anymore. 

Rotating the knob, I felt warmer water engulf me.

__

"You know nothing about me!"

I closed my eyes.

__

"You don't know how much I hold in."

When the water was warm enough I reached out blindly with my eyes still closed and turned it off.

__

"Why Ms.Trepe, I think that's the first real smile I've seen in a long time!" 

I sunk lower into the bathtub and pinched my eyes close tightly, as if that could stop me from breaking down.

Why did I wait so long to catch him? Why did I have to push him away from me? Why couldn't I just stay silent and sit there with him in the dark? Did he think of me as he was walking away? Did I hurt him, as much as he hurt me?

__

There was a silent, slow knock at the door.

I thought I was hearing things, but the knock came again.

__

Who the hell is awake at 3:00 in the morning?

"_I SAID I WANTED TO BE LEFT ALONE!_" I yelled through the open bathroom door, hoping whoever it was heard me.

__

The knock stopped for awhile, but slowly began again.

Dammit!

Slamming my hand down on the side of the tub, I reached for a towel and went for the door.

I opened it slowly, with an angry face but my eyebrows slowly lifted to a shocked state when I saw Seifer looking down at the ground. He looked at me quickly and smiled. He was breathing fast and clutching his arm; as a red stream flowed through his fingers.

__

[If you're the guilt, then I'm the shame, and if I'm hurt, then you're the blame.]  
-Sneaker Pimps and Portishead


	11. Radiant

****

Trickle - 11 - Radiant

__

[The world I lived in was quickly recovered from its death a day ago.]

.

__

He's Alive!

"Oh my goodness Seifer, come in. Come in."

I backed away from the door, and watched him step in slowly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't have anywhere else to go."

__

He looked at my body. When he saw that I was only wearing a towel, he gazed at the ground.

"No, no don't apologize! Are you okay?"

He nodded his head.

"What happened to your arm?"

"I was attacked roaming around outside of Balamb."

He moved his hand away from his arm and I noticed through the torn sleeve of his coat that his arm was cut pretty deep. The blood was still pouring through; sinking into my carpet and leaving it a deep brownish-red color.

"Oh my God! Wait here."

I rushed to the bathroom quickly, threw a robe on and returned to him carrying a cloth, bandages, and a cup of water.

"I don't keep alcohol or peroxide in here, but this is better than nothing."

Setting the cup down on the floor, I helped him remove his coat and motioned for him sit next to the water.

"As you can tell, I don't keep chairs in here much either."

I laughed and sat down beside him, dipping the cloth into the cup of water.

His face was vacant.

__

Is he still angry? No, he can't be; otherwise, he wouldn't have come to you.

I decided I'd better stay quiet.

.

"Quistis, I really am sorry for showing up here. To be honest, I don't think there's anyone else who would've taken me in."

I moved the rag slowly across the wound, collecting blood.

"It's okay, I'm really glad you showed up. There have been really awful rumors that you were found dead in the Roshfall Forest. I was pretty much breaking down about the whole thing. I didn't want it to be true."  
"Can I ask you a question?"

He grabbed my hand to stop me from cleaning the injury.

I let my hand down quietly and looked at him with an inquiring face.

"Why do you care about me so much? I mean, why do you like me? I need to know what's so extraordinary about me."

I blushed at his question.

"Well."

I reached down for the bandage and began binding it around his arm.

__

I don't know what it is about him.

"To be honest, I'm not sure. There's something about you. You're honest, you tell what you feel. I guess I kind of deserved what you said to me that night. I had no right to tell you that someone wouldn't know you're alive. I--"  
"Oh, you're talking about Rinoa?"  
"Yeah."  
"Your tears do mean something to me Quistis. You don't know how much I wanted to just throw myself into an ocean, or jump off of a cliff for hurting the only person that listens to me; the only person fond of me. The main reason I pushed you away is because I didn't want to get close to anyone, since the feeling of tranquility would eventually go away. I didn't want to long for it again."

I looked down at the blood soaked rag. 

__

Listening to him say these words to me made me want to throw myself in his arms and ask him to escape with me to someplace beautiful. I'd promise him that I'd never hurt him like that. I'd vow to him that he'd wake up beside me each morning.

When I looked back up, his eyes were fixated on me; glistening, holding back tears of misery, regret, and uncertainty.

"No one's ever made me feel the way you do. I'm living in a world of mental images. I've been trying to revive something that's died a long time ago. Sometimes, I'd look at Rinoa and want to run up to her and beg her to at least touch me. Remind her that I still care, and think about her when it's hard to sleep at night. But then, when I see you, I realize that I didn't have to beg for someone to worry about me, because, you do it without asking."

He flinched as water swam into his wound.

"All of my life I've been so afraid to open up to people mainly because I'm the one who isn't supposed to feel. Hurting people comes freely because it's all that's been done to me. No one had stopped to ask me how I'm doing. No one cares to notice that some days I'm more silent that others. No one seems to recognize me when I walk into a room unless I create a diversion. "

__

Everything about him came flowing down his cheeks; his tortured, sheltered life, while I sat and watched.

He stood up, and turned his face from me. I walked to the front of him.

__

I wanted to touch him. Comfort him, and tell him that I do notice when he walks into rooms. I notice when he becomes silent suddenly. I notice how much air he breathes in each day. 

Without thinking, I reached out and ran my hand down his face. His tears soaked into my fingers and I could feel everything he felt. The damage done to him was something I could relate with so accurately.

He stood there defenseless, as I continued. I ran my fingers across his eyebrows.

"I'll take care of you Seifer."

Looking at me, he raised his hand cautiously and stroked my hair.

.

"I need you Seifer."

__

His eyes shifted left and right analyzing mine as he's done before; this time as if asking "Are you sure?"

He moved forward, and delicately put his lips on mine.

__

God. Please freeze this moment. Don't let it end.

He pulled me closer to him and I just gave in. I stood there helpless, melting with each kiss he took. His hands traveled down to my waist giving me a firm hug, trying to pull me in closer and closer. Placing my hand behind his neck, I began stroking his hair.

__

He had a beautiful taste.

Before I knew it, we were backing up moving towards my bed; the only space between us was when we stopped to breathe and even that was scarce.

I finally pulled myself away and removed my robe. The ends of my hair were still a bit wet from the bath and I got this unusual feeling as water drops trickled down my back. Dropping my only form of clothing to the ground, I felt my face become a warm crimson color at the thought of standing naked in front of Seifer Almasy.

He looked down at the robe, back at me, and moved me slowly to the bed positioning him onto me.

__

I was waiting for any moment now, when I'd wake up, and find out that this was only an illusion, but as his kisses swallowed me, I knew it was real.

Extending my arms, I reached down and began to unbuckle his belt. He reached down quickly, and stopped me.

"Are you absolutely sure this is what you want?"

Giving him my approval, I continued removing it.

.

Things were happening so fast. Before I knew it, he asked me if he could enter me. I was so nervous. Having such a deprived childhood; I never had affection like this before. But I was calmed down as he stroked my hair and kissed my fingertips.

"Yes."

He slowly pushed into me. It was a beautiful kind of pain; one that I couldn't get enough of. It caused me to cry in a low tone, which made him to come to a sudden halt.

"Do you want me to stop?"

Breathing hard with my eyes closed, I told him to continue as I pulled him closer to me.

The world I lived in was quickly recovered from its death a day ago. The sound of laughter and everything considered radiant was flowing into my head. My whole universe was spinning. It was like I was in a trance. I was no longer roaming the earth alone; I had Seifer's hand held in mine.

I pressed my lips tight, trying to silence the sound of pleasure but it slipped out every now and then. Running my fingers down his arms, I was careful not to touch the bandaged area.

"You're so heavenly." 

He traced his fingers over my closed eyelids. To my surprise, he left them feeling warm.

"I adore you Quistis, you make my life flawless."

I opened my eyes, and looked at him.

"Do you know how long I've waited to hear someone say that to me?"

I smiled happily, pulled his lips to mine and slowly, daintily kissed him.

.

__

[All that no one sees; you see deep inside of me. Every nerve that hurts; you heal.]  
-Björk


	12. Voices

****

Trickle - 12 - Voices

__

[Closing the bandage slowly, my fingers were now colored red.]

.

April 19 

"I didn't need anything else. I could've been left alone for the rest of my life and the laughter would still not go away. If spending one night lying in my bed with him is so complete what would it be like to live the rest of my life with him?"

.

I moved my journal away from my knees and looked down at him. 

The moon shined through my window making areas of his face a pale blue and others a dark gray. He rested with his back placed against the wall. His chest heaved up and down inhaling a purified life. His eyelids kissed shut.

I smiled. The thought of sitting so close to such a celestial spirit was intimidating, but also remarkable. The smile was brought down slowly when I remembered the injury on his arm which caused half of his life to spill over my hands.

.

I peeked into the bandage and noticed that there were still little droplets of blood seeping out.

__

He really should go to the infirmary.

Closing the bandage slowly, my fingers were now colored red.

He awoke, startled from the pain of the bandage pressing tightly against his arm once more but smiled when he saw me sitting there awaiting his return.

I set my journal on the ground and lay beside him. 

Wrapping his arms around me; confining me, he rested his chin on my shoulder. I placed my hands on his.

"Seifer, I'm afraid to sleep. Will you be here when I wake up?"

He didn't answer. I'm guessing that he was really tired and he dozed back off when he rested his face near mine. I was a little doubtful. What if he did hear me? I can't sleep. I can't lose him tonight.

A freethinking mind and darkness are a dangerous mix, because it only made me fall asleep faster.

.

__

[If I should die this very moment, I wouldn't fear; for I've never known completeness like being here.]  
- Lamb


	13. Blind

****

Trickle - 13 - Blind

__

[I waited until they all took their seats before I approached them.]

.

Daylight burst through my window and I awoke smiling. But when I stretched out and felt room to extend my arms, I sat up startled.

__

He left, didn't he?

Fumbling through my sheets and blankets, I grabbed my robe and walked towards the bathroom. My heart began beating again as I saw Seifer standing over the sink brushing his teeth with a towel wrapped around his waist.

His hair was slicked back and there were tiny water droplets splattered across his back.

__

Just got out of the shower; when did he wake up?

He looked at me quickly with foam around his mouth.

"I hope you don't mind." He tried speaking through the froth and ended up almost choking. "I'm using…"

I laughed, tying the robe around my waist.

"It's OK Seifer, you could use it."

He smiled and continued brushing away quickly. I glanced at my disheveled hair in the mirror, before leaving the bathroom.

.

April 20

"Well, here he is, in my bathroom. Usually, I wouldn't stand for something like that; but with Seifer using it who knows; he'll probably end up leaving it cleaner than how I had it.

It's odd. Last night at 3:30 I was dying in my bathtub and now I'm sitting here at my desk grinning like a young schoolgirl who got asked to a dance by her crush.

I want to stand on top of Balamb Garden, and yell out "I'm 10x's stronger now! Try to bring me down from this blissfulness and see if you succeed!" But, for the sake of not being taken away by guards I think I'll just cover my mouth and let out a silent cheerful scream."

.

I closed the book and leaned back into my chair. 

__

Who knew that I would live a perfect life starting today?

Seifer came from behind me and began rubbing my shoulders.

I was surprised when he placed his fingers on me, but as he kept doing it I relaxed and enjoyed it.

"Seifer, you really should go to the infirmary to check out that cut."

__

He didn't say anything.

"Will you please go?"

__

He stopped massaging me.

"Yeah, I think I will."  
"Thanks."

I eased up again and waited for him to continue. Instead, he walked over to his coat, put it on, and exited the room.

.

When I looked decent enough to face people again I walked out into the hallway. Oh how I missed the wonderful smell of breakfast being prepared in the cafeteria, and seeing the familiar faces that are always awake this early in the morning.

I placed my hands behind my back and tried doing the things I always used to do. Only now, I could do it with a smile.

Walking to the cafeteria, I wondered if they had set out a fresh pot of coffee.

.

Inside the cafeteria, there were more people than I was expecting. Oh yes, that's right. It's Thursday, Pancake Day. 

From the line, I could see Squall and Rinoa holding trays, chatting with the women in hairnets and blue shirts. Squall reached for the pancakes they held out to them and Rinoa grabbed two cups of juice and placed one on Squall's tray and one on hers.

The place was packed. 

It was taking so long for the students to pay for their breakfast, that some of them began munching away in line as they awaited their turn to hand over $1.45.

Selphie was further up the line. I noticed her when I heard her laughing and pointing at Zell who was slapping Irvine's hands, as he tried stealing packs of butter off of his tray.

I waited until they all took their seats, before I approached them.

.

"Howdy Quistis!" 

Selphie began pouring syrup over Irvine's pancakes.

Everyone at the table looked at me and began applauding when they saw me standing there with a huge grin.

"So, what's up? How are things?" Rinoa asked pulling out a chair for me.

I sat down.

"Oh, things are good! Seifer returned. The rumors weren't true after all."

I got comfortable and took a sip from my coffee.

"Speaking of Seifer, where is the ol' meathead at?" Zell asked, clutching his fork tight, chewing noisily.

When everyone at the table finished saying things like "Oh come on Zell, be nice", or "Zell, knock it off", Irvine gave him a smack behind the head just because it's something he's always wanted to do.

"He's in the infirmary. He got attacked by something while outside of Balamb Garden and he needs to have it checked out."  
"You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I hope it's nothing serious." Squall added in with his head lowered looking at his pancakes with concentrating eyes, as he made sure the syrup hit each spot evenly.  
"He'll be fine, you should've seen his strength last--" I paused and thought of what I said. The table grew quiet and all eyes were on me.   
"...Night."

__

Nice. You couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you?

Selphie covered her mouth and giggled. Irvine raised his eyebrows at me. Zell sat there with his mouth-hung open holding his frozen arm with the fork in front of it. Rinoa smiled happily, and gave me a "Good for you!" look. And Squall sat looking at me with an expressionless face; syrup still dripping out of the packet he was holding, messing up the even-ness as it spilled to the right of the pancakes.

__

I blushed, and covered my face in excitement and embarrassment.

"What's going on here?"

Seifer stood there, holding a packet of papers and a cup of coffee.

I searched quickly for a place for him to sit. He pulled a chair up next to me, and sat down.

"Hi Seifer." Squall said giving a weird smile and raising his fork to his mouth.

Seifer grinned and nodded. His eyes searched the table but stopped when he placed them on a nervous Zell, who was trying to finish his food quickly so he'd have an excuse to leave.

"What's up Zell?" He asked tapping his fingers on the papers he was holding.

He finally held out his hand, for him to shake.

Zell almost choked when he saw his hand out in front of him. Irvine was trying not to burst out laughing as he watched sweat drops roll down the side of his face.

"Come on Zell, he just wants a friendly handshake." Selphie responded dusting the crumbs from the muffin she was eating, off of her dress.

When Zell finally shook it and returned to looking down at his tray and eating nervously, I asked Seifer what the papers were for.

He handed them to me.

"Something Dr. Kadowaki gave to me."

I lowered my eyebrows.

__

"The Bite Bug and Other Poisonous Creatures"

"The Bite bug has been around for many years. Found outside of Balamb garden and hidden in the forests of Balamb, it has been known to be a very defenseless creature and at times, the most dangerous. When bitten, quickly seek medical attention. Failure to remove poison immediately could result in death."

Lifting my eyebrows, I spoke to him silently.

"Did they remove the poison from your body?"

.

__

[Things have never been so swell and I have never failed to feel pain.]  
- Nirvana


	14. Amazed

****

Trickle - 14 - Amazed

__

[I'm not going anywhere far unless you're with me.]

.

He shook his head 'no', and casually took a drink from his coffee. I set the papers on the table and pulled him aside.

"You didn't get it taken out? Why?"  
"She said she didn't have the right tools to do it."  
"No. Come on, let's go."

I dragged him by the hand to the infirmary, away from the crowded table.

__

I felt like a mother screaming at her sick child to swallow a disgusting cough medicine.

.

We entered the Infirmary. Dr. Kadowaki was sitting at her desk speaking to somebody on the phone.

"Mrs. Kadowaki, I need to talk to you. Seif-"

__

She held up her hand to silence me.

Seifer sighed and sat down in one of the waiting chairs. He began thumbing through a magazine; not to read it, not to look at the pictures but because he felt it was the right thing to do.

I sat beside him, grabbed his hand.

"It's going to be removed Seifer"

I ran my thumb of his knuckles slowly.

He laughed.

"You're more concerned than I am. Don't worry Quisty, everything will be okay."

__

Quisty, please don't make that a habit.

"Hey now, did I give you permission to call me Quisty…" I thought of a gross pet name to call him. "Sifey, my sweet honey-boo bear?" I spoke to him like I was talking to a child.

"Wow, that's a really scary thing to be called. Please don't ever call me that again."

I laughed.

"You got it."

He laughed and pulled my hand to his lips kissing them.

"Alright Quistis, I'm ready to see you now."

Seifer let go of my hand and I walked to her desk.

"Mrs. Kadowaki, did you know that Seifer has life-threatening poison running through his veins?"  
"Yes Quistis, I'm aware of that. I'm the one who gave him the packet to read up on it."  
"Well, it says if it's not removed, it can cause death. Why aren't you removing it?"  
"Quistis, I'd love to remove it. It's just that when people are poisoned, they usually cure themselves right away. If you wait, especially a day to have it removed, it can require some extensive equipment."  
"And you guys don't have that equipment?"  
"No…we don't."

I lowered my voice.

"Well, what the hell are you going to do? Just sit back and watch him die?"  
"Calm down, calm down…" She pulled me aside so Seifer couldn't see or hear us talking anymore. 

"I already explained to him that I'll call and search for a fluid he can drink. Now it might take awhile for it to arrive and it'll be a bit pricey. The thing is he might not even need it. On some people it'll kill them in a day; in an hour. For other people it could take months…years even. And those that are lucky, those that are strong; survive with it." 

I looked down sadly. 

"And out of all those people that you described, which does Seifer fall under?"

"Strong of course, Seifer is a very strong person."

I nodded.

"Thanks, sorry for all the yelling."

"It's alright Quistis. Don't worry, I see it too. That man has a beautiful heart; he just chooses to keep it hidden from view."

.

Upon leaving the infirmary, Seifer excused himself to the bathroom.

I waited for him, outside of it. Some of my students walked by and asked me where've I've been for so long. I explained to them that I was ill and recovered last night, but had to stay out of the classrooms to catch up on all my paper work. I felt bad for lying to them, but I couldn't say that I was having the time of my life with Seifer Almasy last night. Oh, how I wanted to.

When he returned, he just stood there.

"Before what happened last night, what did you usually spend your time doing?"  
"Training, becoming stronger. Exploring the Garden, hanging out with idiots or I'd just simply write."  
"What do you write?"  
"What I feel."

He pulled his gloves from his pockets and put them on.

__

Cold, again?

I waited until each finger was placed perfectly inside into each crevice before I spoke.

"Cold again, huh?"  
"Yeah."

I grabbed his hand and placed it against mine. The tips of my fingers were placed on the middle of his. I never realized before how big his hands were. It was amazing.

He laughed.

"Your curiosity reminds me of when we were smaller."

I continued noticing the difference in size of his hand VS mine.

"How so?"  
"Well, when we were younger, you'd always get so excited when there were little things happening. We'd be playing tag outside, and you'd always try to invent new rules to such a simple game."

He chuckled, pulled something out of his pocket, looked at it, and shoved it back in.

"What is that?"  
"A schedule of events happening."  
"Happening here, at the Garden?"  
"Yeah"  
"Well…what's happening?"  
"A cook-out, or some crap."

__

Oh yeah, that's it. I guess we have the Garden Festival committee to thank for that. The new rule for them is to have something-exciting going on once or twice a week.

"I'm sorry Quistis, but I think I'm going to go down to the training center for a bit."

__

Well, I guess I can't expect him to be near me every second that I breathe.

He began walking away, but I pulled his hand back.

'"Seifer, please don't leave Balamb alone. If you're going to leave again, and be gone forever…will you at least bring me along?"  
"I'm not going anywhere far, unless you're with me."

I smiled.

I waited there holding out my hand until our fingers weren't touching anymore. I sat down on a bench nearby, and laughed.

.

"Hey, what are you laughing at?"

I looked up, and saw the bunch I left earlier at breakfast. Selphie was wearing a hat that said "G.F.C" (Garden Festival Committee.) She was also holding flyers.

"You're coming to the cook-out this evening right?" She handed me a neon orange flyer.  
"Say yes Quistis, we could all hang out. We haven't done something like that in a long time." Squall added, sitting down next to me.  
"Well, I don't know guys; I have a lot of paper work to do."  
"Oh man, Quistis, come on!"

Zell reached his down into a bag of potato chips he was holding.  


"Do you guys always travel in groups now-a-days?" I laughed.

"Of course we do, we're a family. We all look so good together." Irvine added in putting his arm around Zell and Selphie.

"Of course, some of us look better than others." Zell responded, pushing Irvine's arm off his shoulder.

Rinoa ignored everything going on and joined Squall and me on the bench.

"So are you coming? It's going to be so much fun!"

In the background, Irvine was struggling to get Zell's potato chips from him, while Selphie tried pinning his arms behind his back. 

"Get them Irvy!"

Squall looked at them.

"Well, of course, after seeing them behave like this you don't have to come if you don't want to."  
"No, no…I'll come."  
"Great! We were going to head down to Squall's room to watch a movie; do you want to come? You know, since we haven't done something like that in awhile."

Rinoa asked her voice excited and her eyes searching mine for a response.

I looked back over at Zell who now on his knees picking up the chips that flew from the bag when it was ripped during their struggle to get them. Standing over him was a guard scolding Selphie and Irvine.

"Yeah, a movie sounds pretty good right about now."


	15. Candy

****

Trickle - 15 - Candy

__

"I want to try coloring the sky a different color."

.

"Isn't that movie great?! I just love that movie."

Zell stood in front of the TV, watching the credits roll, before he turned off the VCR.

"Ah, it's such a great movie!!"

"Everytime you get to choose a movie, you always choose "Fists of Fury"! That movie is getting so boring! I know every line from it now, thanks to you!"

Rinoa threw a pillow at Zell to stop his reminiscing in front of the screen.

"Hey, I'm sorry, but there are actually guys in this room, and we'd rather watch pure action, then sappy love stories. Right guys?!"

"I dunno Zell. Sometimes the chicks in romance movies are hotter than ones in action movies." Irvine took off his hat, and leaned against Squall's bed.

Selphie would've jumped in and yelled at him for his comment, but she lay alseep, her head resting in his lap.

"What do you think Squall? Quistis?" Zell asked with a hopeful look in his eyes.

"Action is good, but not the same thing over and over." Squall answered, laying down, resting his hands behind his head.

"Umm..I've never seen that movie before, and to be honest, I thought it was pretty good!" I replied cheerily.

__

I was hoping Zell didn't notice that I fell asleep somewhere in the middle of it.

I loved hanging out with them, it was so...memory filled, but I did have to return to my room, and start grading the papers that I've been neglecting for about two weeks now.

Telling them I'd see them later on tonight, I left to my room.

.

With each paper I completed, it seemed that 3 dozen more piled on top. It was getting so boring, reading papers titled "Battle Strategies", and "What to do in case of...etc". I normally loved doing this. 

This is what my days used to consist of. But since Seifer and I became one, I want to do wilder things, like bungee jump, with him underneath me. Swim in the ocean, and ride dolphins all day. I want to try coloring the sky a different color.

I couldn't believe these ideas were coming from me. A couple days ago, I used to think I was walking on the wild side, if I didn't refill the toilet paper rolls, or take out my trash.

My mother used to tell me "Quistis, obey all rules, it's the only way to become successful", but my father always said to me "Make an impression. Don't jump into the swimming pool, if you're not going to make a splash."

.

At 7:00, I went to the cookout.

I was supposed to be there at 6:00, but I woke up atop the papers I was grading, and rushed out.

Here I am. 7:00 p.m. So far, I don't see anyone that I could socialize with. I could smell hamburgers and hotdogs being grilled. I could hear cotton candy being swirled onto sticks, with the "Cotton Candy Maker", bought with leftover money from fundraisers. And popcorn popping, with a borrowed machine, compliments of Deling City.

The sky was orange, due to the moon melting the sun away. The color reminded me of the orange popsicles that Matron used to reward us with, for getting our chores done on time. Mine was always eaten carefully and slowly. And Seifer's always ended up all over his fingers, and sometimes around his mouth.

He'd walk around and rub our faces, with his sticky hands, and run away. Very immature, but weren't we all, at that age?

I leaned against the railing, which was supposed to keep students from picking roses from the nearby bushes. No such luck. The only roses that were left, were dead, or missing petals. I remember being the one who forbidded them from doing it.

"What are you thinking of?"

I turned, and saw Seifer standing there holding a bag a popcorn.

"Oh, just about the sky." 

"The sky?"

He walked over to me, and leaned against the rail.

"What's so special about the sky?"

"It's the color of popsicles, you know the ones Matron used to give to us."

He thought about it.

"Ooh, yeah I remember those. You must have a really good memory, if you remember that."

"No, I just looked at the sky, and they popped into my head."

He held the bag of popcorn out to me.

"No, no thanks."

"I brought it for you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, now eat some. I don't think I've seen you eat before."

I reached into the bag, picked one out, and placed it into my mouth.

"What was that? Come on, I bet you didn't even taste anything. Look, do this."

He reached in, pulled out a handful, and stuffed it into his mouth. Some pieces fell to the ground.

I sighed.

Reaching in, I grabbed a handful, and tried taking them all in one gulp, like he did. That was something I shouldn't have done. It was all too much to handle, and I ended up coughing them up on the ground.

He set the bag down quickly, and began patting my back.

"Are you okay?"

I returned back up, my face a reddish color, and nodded.

"I'm sorry, don't do anything I tell you to anymore." He laughed.

I opened my mouth to say something, but ended up coughing more. This time, spraying a little bit of spittle on the side of his face.

He wiped it off with his hand, and looked at it.

"Oh my god. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Seifer."

I covered my face, in embarrassment

"Don't worry about it."

He wiped his gloved hand on the side of his pants, and handed the bag of popcorn to me, waiting for me to grab some.

I pushed it away, without saying anything. We both laughed.

But my laughter slowly stopped, when I saw Dr. Kadowaki walk by. I remembered what she said earlier, but what if Seifer isn't as strong as we think he is?

.

__

"Through this crowd, I hear your breathing." -The Wall Flowers

****

Notes: Can you believe this short chapter took me 2 ½ hours to think up? It's the strangest thing, I got a severe brain drain, but I'm all better now! I can think again, but I am _so_ tired. So, forgive me, while I turn in for the night. Chapter 16 will be posted very soon. Goodnight! *Falls onto keyboard* -_- ZzzZz 

****


	16. Disappear

****

Trickle - 16 - Disappear

__

"On the outside I saw the coldness. I saw the Seifer that I always used to see."

.

The sun's burning death was over, and we were greeted serenely by a pale bule moon, which left signs of its kisses on our forehead. A bleached shine. 

I'm trying so hard to enjoy myself tonight, but everytime I hear Seifer cough, or pause in his breathing, I keep wondering if he's going to make it.

We walked to a less crowded area.

Seifer laid himself out on the benches, and began drawing shapes in the air with his fingers. I watched him. One of his legs was slightly bent, and I noticed he was using his arm that wasn't cut to paint the sky.

__

Why did I wait so long to finally touch him? Why does he have to be hurt when I finally get to hold him?

I walked over to him, and knelt down beside him. 

"Seifer...is the poison contagious? Because if it is, kiss me now. You can't fight this alone, we could fight it together."

He lowered his hand.

"Quistis, stop talking like that! You make it sound like I'm going to die in the next minute. Even if it is transmittable, do you think I'd pass it onto you? What's the point in two people suffering?"

He sat up, and made room for me on the bench.

I could tell by his voice that he was getting fed up, because I kept asking him about it. I kept trying to find a way to cure it.

I stayed on the ground, and rested my hand in my forehead, in frustration.

I looked over at him. He had his hand in his lap, impatiently strumming his fingers. And on the outside I saw the coldness. I saw the Seifer that I always used to see. Not scared of anything, but through his eyes, I could see fear. He was afraid. Afraid of trying to walk away and only end up stumbling. Afraid of yelling at me, but only ending up whispering. Afraid of trying to push me away and only end up hugging me and crying. 

"It's my fault you're in this condition. I should've never told you how I felt. I should've just visited your hideaway, and admired it with you. I should've just kept everything on the inside, and cried it out in my mind. Chances are, you wouldn't have left Balamb that night. Chances are, you'd be breathing more comfortably."

"Quistis stop it!"

He stood up, and looked down at me. His voice was raising.

"Why do you always talk like this? Why do you always look at the bad side of situations?"

"Because the bad side is so easy to see Seifer!"

I got up, and walked over to him.

"What's so bad about me dying? The world would lose someone who never 'cared'. Someone who has to pretend to be something, throughout their life. Who's going to miss someone like that?"

"I am! You put me in a different light. You've given me a new coat of skin to live in! You said I made you feel different too. Can't we just be different, and take care of eachother? Those were our plans weren't they? I mean, we haven't known eachother that long, intimately, but mentally, I've known you my whole life, and losing you, would be like losing my mind. I can't live without my mind. I can't live without you. We can't let this disease pull us apart! We're going to find a way to make you clean again. We're going to find a place, where we can live faultlessly. If you're going to die...I want to die with you."

Standing up, and being calm was a complete failure. 

I crashed to the ground, and beat my fists into the cement. Crying, and screaming. 

"I want to die with you Seifer!"

He pulled me up to him, and held me.

The scent of his clothes was enough to put me in a hypnotic state.

He held me tightly, and I could feel the little boy who used to be so energentic, I could feel the child who loved to play pranks, and laugh at the torment of others. I could feel a terrified man, whose sanity was collapsing.

"I want to be beautiful like you Quistis. I want to be young again, and not have to worry. I want to hold you, but not contaminate your memory of me, with this unsoundness. I want to live with you beyond this world in Elysian fields, but how can Heaven love me? I want to be baptized in your tears, because they always understand me."

I buried my face in his chest.

__

Don't say things like this Seifer, or I'll never let go.

From behind my shoulder, and over the sound of my struggling to breathe, I could hear his tears falling on the sidewalk. That sound...it was enough to drive to drive you insane.

.

__

"If I should choose to fall apart, don't you think you should let me? If I should choose to die alone, you should forgive, and forget me." -Joydrop 

****

Notes: Woo-hoo! More and more reviews! Yay! I love your reviews. I'm also extra cheery, because there is ice-cream in my view. This is great...hmm...what's that? You want the next chapter? Why certainly! I'll get started on it right now... well, after I jump the carton of vanilla goodness first. *yum!* ^_^

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	17. Wither

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Trickle - 17 - Wither

__

Blood was drizzling down his forehead, and through this netherworld he smiled at me.

.

April 21

After we promised each other that we'd find a cure, I retreated to my room, and he left to his. He said he wanted to be alone. He wanted time to think. It's saddening sitting here, isolated, but...oh well, I'm used to it.

Squall and everyone were probably wondering where I was, but they probably gave up on me, and decided to have some fun. I guess that's what I would've done. Not to mention it is 9:00 p.m. The only people outside right now, are probably the people who are stuck with cleaning up the paper plates, and napkins.

Seifer told me that he finally told Fujin and Raijin to leave him alone. They were hurt, but of course, I'd be hurt too if he told me to just back off. I congratulated him, and told him that he didn't need people like that.

He just smiled, and looked down.

.

"We'll find a way...Yeah...we will."

I smiled, and walked over to my window.

I needed to breathe in fresher air. Warmer air...the summer's air.

Opening the window, I could smell the remains of grilled meat, butter, and candy. I laughed, remembering my little choking incident.

__

Hmm, I think I'm going to sleep with my window open tonight...yeah, I think I will.

.

"You son of a bitch! We're not good enough for you anymore?"

I awoke startled, and looked out my window.

Below, Fujin and Raijin stood in the secluded area, which could be seen from my window, and screamed at Seifer.

I stood watching, to see what was going on.

Raijin walked closely to Seifer's face, screaming something that couldn't be interpreted, and Seifer just calmly turned his face to the side.

Turning around, Raijin said something to Fujin.

Suddenly, he raised his arms to Seifer, and pushed him to the ground.

__

Oh my god.

I grabbed my whip, and rushed outside.

.

"HAHA! TRADER!"

I walked behind a laughing Fujin, and raised my whip, but when Seifer turned and looked at me, all hell broke loose.

Fujin turned around, and pushed me to the ground.

The whip slid across the sidewalk. Too far for my fallen body to reach. She kicked it farther, reached down, pulled me to my feet, and restrained my arms behind my back.

"This is your reason for leaving us, isn't it?"

Raijin pointed to me, with a disgusted look on his face.

Things got silent.

Seifer extended one of his legs, and tripped Raijin. When he was on his feet, he began kicking him rapidly on the ground.

"STOP!"

Fujin yelled, throwing me to the ground, and punched Seifer on the side of his face.

Everything was happening so quickly. I didn't know what was goin on, I had no idea what to do. When I sat up, I saw Seifer laying on the ground again, indefensible, as Raijin repeated what just happened to him. Each kick, slowly taking Seifer's breaths away. 

"Stop it!"

Fujin had me in her grasp again.

Everytime Raijin raised his foot back, I felt the pain 10x's worse. It was terrible. I wanted to just die right there. The look on Seifer's face was filled with agony, and it was so hard watching him, in a powerless huddle. 

Fujin and Raijin were laughing, sinisterly, and their laughter only rose to a higher volume, as Seifer began coughing up blood.

"STOP IT YOU SICK BASTARDS!"

I was screaming, and my voice was cracking. I was trying so hard to break free from Fujins hands, but I grew weaker and weaker.

"Sure, I'll stop...oh wait...I didn't even try out the new move I learned today."

"FINISH!" Fujin cheered on.

I closed my eyes, afraid to see what was going to happen. 

__

This is not happening, this is not happening. Here I was, screaming so loud, and still no one has rushed out to help us. Seifer lay there staring down at a red puddle, trying to get back on his feet, and these two laughed, at his attempt.

"Please, leave him alone! Leave HIM ALONE!"

I tried kicking Raijin, but he was too far, for me to reach. Everytime I tried to run up to Seifer, I was pulled back, and held in an even tighter grasp.

Raijin pulled out a pocketknife, opened it, and ran it along his fingers.

"This will do the job."

He grabbed Seifer by the collar of his shirt, and pulled him close to him.

"You know I could just kill you, for betraying me and Fujin like that."

He whispered closely to his face, but I could hear every word he said, as if his voice was amplified.

"Please no Raijin! Don't do this, we could work this out! I'll leave Seifer alone, and he could return to you guys, JUST DON'T DO THIS!"

I lowered my head to the ground, and was crying so loudly. 

Seifer stared at me, wanting to run up to me. Blood poured from the corner of his mouth, and there was major damage done to his forehead, above his right eyebrow.

"Man, SHUT UP INSTRUCTOR!" Raijin turned, and pointed the knife at me.

Fujin gave me a kick behind the knees, making me fall, but she pulled me back up, and forced me to stand. The pain was unreal.

"QUIET!"

I scrunched my eyes, stopping more tears from flowing, and stared at Seifer. He stared back at me. His shirt pulled up to an inch under his chin. He looked so faint, and the laughter that used to be in his eyes, was so distant, and was replaced with a dying, screaming world.

"I found a place we could run away to. Let's go. We could leave now."

My voice was tear-filled, and shattering.

The moon shined on my grief, and made it look like little streams flowing down my face. Blood was drizzling down his forehead, and through this netherworld he smiled at me.

Raijin placed the blade under Seifer's chin, and started saying something, which was difficult to percieve.

There was one last utter stillness, before Raijin pulled his hand back and thrusted the knife into Seifer's stomach.

__

It was all happening so fast, but then it was happening in slow motion.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

I screamed holding my head back.

Fujin, in shock let go of my wrists, and I was able to fall freely to him. He was hunched over, holding onto his stomach, as I saw the familiar scene of blood pouring through his fingers. I placed my hand over his wound, to help stop the flow, and looked back at a stunned Raijin.

"YOU BASTARD! YOU ASSHOLE!"

I shrieked, still crying.

Suddenly, Raijin fell to the ground.

"WHAT?!" Fujin yelled in shock.

I turned to see, Squall, and Irvine...whom, luckily just so happened to be out wandering around late at night.

__

Thank you God.

Seifer was still hunched over, coughing, bleeding, and trying to breathe.

.

I persuaded Squall and Irvine to leave me be, after I thanked them gratefully. And I stayed outside, even after the Balamb paramedics left.

A minute ago, everything was going mad, but now the Garden slept peacefully.

The sounds of screaming, human hands striking the sidewalk, footprints moving back and forth, still breathing, coughing, flesh being torn open, and ambulance sirens, were all mixed into one sound. They were being replayed over and over and over, in my head.

The image of seeing Seifer being pushed away, on a stretcher was stuck in my head. His face continuously, turning from pale, to red...from the bright spinning light above the sanguine truck.

In the distance, my whip lay untouched, and my dorm window, remained pushed open, while the curtain's white ends flapped in the summer breeze.

I looked down.

And right below me, I could see scuffmarks and drops of blood on this lifeless ash colored sidewalk.

.

__

"Disarm you with a smile, and leave you like they left me here, to wither in denial." -The Smashing Pumpkins

****

Notes: I've been getting great reviews lately, I love them! Want to know something I hate though? Having to wake up early...speaking of which, I should've been asleep an hour ago. 

I hope you guys enjoyed this action filled chapter. I'm going to go now.... My bed...as Quistis would say "is calling my name." Chapter 18 will be posted soon. Later Tators!

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	18. Inhale

****

Trickle - 18 - Inhale

__

I could kill them! I'm going to kill them!

.

"So, you heard some people screaming outside, and you went to check out what was going on?"

I nodded.

The sun shined through the yellow blinds, and burned my tired eyes.

"How did you hear the screams from your room?"

"I had my window open."

"Quistis, would you consider yourself a light sleeper?"

I stared blankly at the Sheriff who was questioning me. It was only he and I in the room, and I was getting nervous. He was called to Balamb Garden this morning, and I've been in here for what seems like forever, answering questions. His uniform was mixed a dark and light blue, and his stomach hung over his belt. Even from where I was sitting, I could smell cigarettes, and coffee on his breath.

"A very light sleeper."

I replied idly, and looked at the ground.

He jotted some stuff down on the notepad he was carrying, and took a seat, instead of standing 5 inches from me.

"What was the whip for, Quistis?"

"For protection. It's the Garden's policy to take action, if something like that ever happened, so I--" I paused. "Are you trying to make this look like my fault? What about Fujin and Raijin, the asshole had a knife for crying out loud!"

I raised my voice. 

He sat there tapping his pen on the Asst. Principal's desk.

"Please watch your language." He answered calmly "Other people I questioned said that Raijin and Fujin respected Seifer, so I wasn't shocked to find out, that both of them were a little tipsy that night."

"Tipsy?"

"Yeah...drunk."

He moved his hand to his mouth, and acted like he was taking a drink from a bottle.

"Did ah..did Seifer say anything to them, that would cause them to act like this?"

"He said he didn't want them to bother him anymore."

"Bother him? What did they do to him?"

"Listen Sheriff, these two people have got to be the most annoying beings in the world. They always follow him around like dogs, and agree with him, only to get on his good side. People have a right to be left alone if they want to, and...He wanted to be left alone."

He took a drink from his coffee.

We didn't say anything.

Where's Seifer? Is he okay?

"Is...um..is Seifer alright?"

I looked at my hands, and begin cracking my knuckles...something I always did, when I was tense.

"Oh yeah, yeah...he's fine. Good thing the cut wasn't that deep...he's at a uh...this certain hospital right now, we're trying to see if he we could have him brought down to the school's infirmary, so you could...you know...talk to him, instead of having to travel a couple miles."

He's okay?! 

Hearing that Seifer was still breathing, my mind started back up, and my heart began beating again.

"Wait...Wait...what about Fujin, and Rajin? What are you going to do bout them?"

"I think we'll keep 'em down at the station for a bit."

Good.

"I believe that's all the questioning I have for you, Ms. Trepe, thanks for your time."

He held out a tan palm, for me to shake.

"Oh, and could you send the guy with the scar across his forehead in?"

"Yeah, I will."

.

Outside of the office, I saw Squall and Irvine sitting in the waiting chairs provided. Squall had his jacket off, propped up next to him, and Irvine was holding his cowboy hat, dusting it off. He was talking about what happened, while Squall sat there silently, looking at his naked knuckles, which were sliced, and covered in dried blood.

He must've hit Raijin pretty hard.

He looked up at me. I gave a little smile, and pointed to the door behind me, with my thumb.

Grabbing his coat, he walked up to me.

"He's okay. They sent him to a hospital in Deling City, because they were the only ones who had the right tools for the job."

"Tools?"

My eyes widened, at the thought of Seifer recovering gracefully from his knife wound, and the poison.

"Yeah..you know..to stitch him up."

"Oh."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just...yeah, I'm okay."

With a pat on my back, he continued to the room.

I sat and talked to Irvine for awhile, and thanked him once more, for being outside, I told him to tell Squall I was very pleased he showed up. And proceeded to my dorm. I desperately needed a shower. The smell of dirt, and tears were soaked onto my clothes, and my hands were still stained a light pink color, from holding onto Seifer.

.

April 22

I could kill them! I'm going to kill them! What gives them the right to take something so precious, and twist it, inside out? What gives them the right to laugh at all the tears and blood loss? How could they stand there and watch the struggle between us, and not even feel sorry? 

All I know is, they're not going to get away with this.

I can't forget the way Seifer stood there looking at me. He's usually always so strong, was it that sudden, that he wasn't able to fight back? I wanted to run up to him, grab his hand, and escape, to the place I mentioned last night. There...I could dry up the blood on his face, and kiss the pain away. Why did I have to be held back? Of all the things to be taken apart, why did it have to be him and me?

.

Closing the book, I rested my face in my hands and silently cried. I've been crying a lot lately. I thought of the night I let him into my life, and how I watched him cry. I thought of how he insisted on letting him feed me, and helping me out when I choked. I thought of how his arms, which usually protected me, stopped working for him last night.

.

__

"I want to love, but it comes out wrong. I want to live but I don't belong." -The Smithereens

****

Notes: How's it going?Things could be a bit better for me. I have a major headache, and my legs hurt. I have no idea where this hurt came from. 

But...I'll still smile, and hold my head up high, because your reviews have made the pain subside for the fewest, most important seconds! Way to go! *Tries jumping up* Ow! -_-;

I think I'll just sit here, and quietly begin chapter 19. Tootles!

****


	19. Clean

****

Trickle - 19 - Clean

__

"The cool breeze flew through my hair, and made me feel young again."

.

"Deling City Hospital?"

I nodded.

"What's he doing way out there?"

I was in Squall's room again; surrounded by the people I grew up with. Normally, I would be sitting in my room, sleeping, or looking at the bloodstains that were still on my rug, but I couldn't stand to be alone right now.

Selphie questioned me, with intent eyes, trying to get every single piece of information out of me. It reminded me of talking to the sheriff.

I stayed silent.

"He's out there, because he needed to be stitched up, and they didn't have the tools to do it, in the infirmary." Squall answered for me, holding out his hand, to Rinoa who was wrapping a white bandage around his knuckles.

__

So far, she hasn't said a word about Seifer...was she breaking down on the inside, or does she not care?

Zell sat there silently, his legs pulled up to his chest.

"I can't believe Seifer is in the hospital. Usually he's so strong; he'd break Raijin in half. How come he has to be in the hospital, when he finally starts being nicer to me?"

"He's going to be out soon, and you guys can go back to being buddy-buddy with each other." Irvine playfully punched Zell in the arm. "So cheer up man!"

Zell's face stayed expressionless.

__

The room got still.

"This room has too many negative feelings in it, I say we go out and do something."

Selphie said standing up, and smoothing the wrinkles out of her bright lemon-colored dress.

"What do you have in mind?" Rinoa asked, setting the rest of the unused bandage on a nearby shelf.

"Movies? We could leave Balamb and go to the movies...or...hey! We could go to Deling City, and just hang out! They always have something cool going on down there. Ooh! We could visit Seifer, Quistis!"

She came behind me, grabbed my shoulders, and began shaking me, trying to get me as excited as she was.

I smiled at the thought of that.

"Ah, got her to smile again."

Irvine came, and poked me in the stomach.

"So...you guys want to go to Deling City?"

Squall asked retrieving his jacket from his closet.

__

Yeah...of course I do.

.

When we reached the "City of Light", it was already dark. The air was a bit colder than it usually was, and it seemed to make the multicolored lights look brighter.

We all walked in a group, silently...passing the happy kids, running by holding balloons, and screaming. 

I wanted to find the little "Infirmary" hidden in this glowing palace, and see Seifer, right away.

"Hey!! Candy Apples!"

Selphie pointed happily to a man in a red and white striped shirt, handing out candy apples to small raging hands.

"Let's go get some!" Rinoa added in cheerfully, running to the cart with Selphie, and standing in line behind Zell, who rushed over without saying anything.

I turned to Squall and Irvine, hugging myself, to keep the cold air from biting my arms.

"I'm going to find the little hospital...thing."

Squall stared at me for awhile.

"Alright, well...we'll meet you at the hotel when you're done talking to him."

"The hotel?" 

"Yeah, well...it's Saturday, we might as well hand over some money, and spend the night here...the garden is too...I don't know...I don't feel safe there anymore."

__

I thought I was the only one who felt that way.

I smiled.

"Okay"

"Alright, now go find Seifer you love Goddess, you."

Irvine patted my bottom, and I jumped.

"Irvine, stop!"

"Whoa...sorry...sorry." He held up his hands innocently, and Squall laughed.

"See you later Quistis." 

They waved, and walked over to the bright sugar cart.

.

I walked through the crowds of happy couples, holding myself tighter, and tighter everytime I saw a smile go by, or heard someone say, "This is so much fun!"

I cringed at the sound of flesh touching flesh, and tried not to notice the entire hugging and kissing going on around me.

Ultimately, I made it to the bright neon green sign that read "CLINIC". The glistening letters made the building look more like a casino, then a place holding suffering bodies, but on the inside...things looked normal.

Casually walking up to the desk, I approached an old nurse, whose eyebrows were over-plucked, and lips looked like they were being pressed tight. She looked up from the magazine she was reading.

"May I help you?"

"Yeah, um... I'm here to see Seifer Almasy, he was checked in last night."

She stared blankly at me, through her black oval glasses.

"You know, he has a big scar... on his forehead?"

I ran my finger between my eyebrows to show where it was.

"Oh...right...the tough guy. Room 4049." She pointed to a dim lit hall.

__

Tough Guy?

"Thanks."

"No problem honey."

.

After passing what seems like 500 empty stretchers, and wheelchairs in the hall, I reached room 4049.

I didn't want to go in, and find him asleep...with wires in his veins, to help him breathe because of the blood loss, I didn't want to walk in, and find him dying.

Hesitating, I turned the knob.

Inside, I found Seifer sitting on his bed. No tubes, no needles punched into his veins. His normal clothes were stripped away, and he was stuck wearing a white hospital gown.

His face was covered, as I've seen him do, when he was upset, and frustrated.

He didn't look up, from the sound of the door opening.

"Seifer?"

I stepped closer to him.

He looked up at me, with an angry look, but his eyes lost the rage when he saw me standing there.

.

"How's it going?"

I sat on a vacant spot on the bed. I could see him breathe. What a beautiful sight it was. The cut on his forehead was cleaned, but it was still visible. The blood that streamed down his chin was wiped away, but the gash on the corner of his mouth made it obvious that he was thrown to the ground 10,000 times.

"They said I'm going to be able to leave tonight. A doctor offered to drive me back to Balamb Garden, but a certain nurse is REFUSING TO GIVE MY CLOTHES BACK!"

He yelled through the door, hoping the female medic heard him.

"Where are your clothes?"

"They put it in some bin or something, said they needed to be washed."

I smiled, and grabbed his hand.

"Do you want to get out of here, right now...with me?"

His eyes searched mine, for more of a response.

"Of course I do."

He pulled me to him, and kissed me. I thought I'd never feel those lips on mine, again. I

Never thought I'd be able to breathe in his scent, or feel his hands on me.

"Wait here, I'll go get your clothes."

I stood up, but he pulled me back, and kissed me once more. I moved my hand down his chest, and lower and he suddenly flinched in pain. I then remembered the damage done to his stomach.

.

After he was dressed, he grabbed his hand in mine, and I was surprised to see that he was able to run.

We pushed through the infirmary's clear double doors, and I laughed happily, as he picked me up with his remaining strength, and twirled me in the air. 

The cool breeze flew through my hair, and made me feel young again. Everything that happened last night seemed like a nightmare, which was already forgotten. I could now see 100 lovely lights, spinning around me, and could detect Seifer's laughter, and his voice, as he thanked me for retrieving him from the unbalanced circle, which was the Clinic's cold dark room.

.

__

"A million miles we fall from Grace. Thank God, we missed the ground." -Live

****

Notes: How many of you are happy to see Seifer in this condition? I bet lots of you are! He's doing great...he's able to run, and lift Quistis up! But...Is he able to breathe without knowing that the poison could kick in any minute? Wait for the next chapter! 

Thanks for the reviews! *High Five!* You guys are excellent! ^_^

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	20. Contagious

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Trickle - 20 - Contagious

__

"I tried not to notice how his path of kisses, made my body so cold..."

.

I was able to walk through the masses of smiling couples. I could blend in well with the laughter. I didn't have to keep my eyes on the ground, because even if I tried, I'd end up viewing the world through a newborn's eyes. 

I had no idea what pain felt like...it seems I have forgotten how to cry, and I was just learning an impressive trick, which was laughing, and I wanted to show it off. 

We found the people I came with. They were all sitting down at a little cafe set up here. They were discussing a rather serious topic, I could tell by the looks on their faces. No emotion. Out of curiosity, we walked up to them, to find out what was going on.

.

"I can't believe they were released already...arrgh! That makes me so mad! They tried killing Seifer, and now they're walking freely again?"

Rinoa grabbed her cup of tea, and angrily took a drink out of it.

"I know! We have to get them back, and let them know they're not allowed to do things like this!"

Zell tightened his fists in madness and murmered something that wasn't so clear.

I looked down, then at Seifer.

__

On the loose? Again? Are they looking for Seifer?

"All I know is if they come back to me, I'll be ready for them." Seifer replied in a lone toned voice that almost made me afraid to stand near him.

Everyone at the table looked over at us, and let out nervous laughter.

"Heh heh, um...how much of that conversation did you hear you guys?"

Selphie had her hand behind her neck, scratching it nervously.

__

How could they be let free so easily?

"Enough to know that Seifer or I can be killed in any moment." I answered, without feeling.

__

Why the hell does my happiness keep coming down?

"What? What are you talking about Quistis?" Rinoa asked with a scared look.

"Hey, if I know Fujin and Raijin as well as I think I do, I'll bet they're afraid to set foot anywhere near Seifer now...you heard what the Sheriff said, they were drunk that night. Don't worry about it you guys...I don't think they're going to do anything." Irvine tried reassuring us that everything would be okay.

Squall just sat there, not saying anything.

"I'm tired...I'm going to get a room now."

I grabbed Seifer's hand, and led him to the brightly-lit hotel...I needed to stop thinking about this war that constantly haunted our minds.

.

Here I am, sitting on this pre-made hotel bed, while Seifer stood in the bathroom, un-wrapping his wound, just for the hell of it.

__

Why isn't he talking to me?

Standing behind the door, I quietly watched him. He uncovered his bronze stomach slowly, and underneath the soaked wrapping, I could see stitches. They were crossed up and down very sloppily, the results of a nurse who didn't have time to waste. The thread sewn into human flesh was too much to look at. The number of needle holes was endless. 

I wanted to huddle up in the corner, and cry for seeing him fall apart right in front of me. How he looked right now, reminded me of my notebook at home. He held everything about me, and he was used. So used. 

His breathing grew slower, as his stood in front of the mirror, and observed the many purplish red bruises on his chest. He was furious, it was clear to see. I remember when Seifer was left untouched, but it seems that ever since I came along, he became more susceptible to things happening around him. 

I looked at my arms. Of course, I wasn't left untouched that night. I have proof that I was subjected to abuse, but I wasn't dehumanized. I wasn't stripped of everything...or was I?

Looking back at him, he was now looking at the gash on his arm. It seemed to be healing, but the bacteria still flowed on the inside. 

Once and awhile, he let out a sigh, he was probably asking himself why he could see dried blood, and discolored marks, when he used to be so powerful. His hair wasn't slicked back anymore, the sun can't reflect off it now, because it didn't look blonde anymore. Dirt clung to each strand, wearing it down, and made it a dull light brown.

I want to lock us in this new room, and never leave again. I don't want to step outside of the door, but how could we live without ever seeing the stars again? How could we run free in a crowded room, instead of in the sunset? 

Life is just a trap...there's nowhere to go...pain waits for us in every corner.

.

Walking to him, I gently placed my hand on his shoulder. He didn't turn and look at me, he just continued noticing his wounds.

__

How come he isn't touching me? Is he so bitter now, after being left alone for the longest night of his life that he forgot how to feel?

I wrapped my arms around him, and just stood there.

"Remember the place I told you about? I had a vision of us there. Running freely, happily...it's a place where people live and die gently...smoothly...without pain...in peace."

He didn't say anything.

"There was a lake there, and we swam in it. We just jumped in, not worrying about the water being too cold, because it always turned out how we wanted it. We didn't have to worry about drowning, because we could breathe underwater. If you get hurt...the only thing that flowed from our veins was a blue mist, that made the cuts heal nicely, and made us 100 X's stronger."

He looked down. He knew such a place didn't exist; of course...it has to be out there...it's just waiting for people like us to stumble upon it.

"Do you ever wish that you can't feel anymore?"

His voice was silent.

I looked up; it seemed like I haven't heard him speak in a long time. Maybe it's because he sounded so different. 

"I wish that everyday of my life...but I've come this far, why would I give up now?"

"I want to stop feeling everything but you. I don't know why it's taken me this long to finally notice you. I don't know why I couldn't lose myself in you, the first night, when you fell on top of me. I don't know how I've been able to dodge beauty for so long...I never thought it'd corner me, and force me to feel. How was I able to get out unharmed, after the world crashed onto me so many times? Why can't I get out without a scratch now? Look at me."

I didn't look. I didn't want to look. I know what he means. I need to stop feeling. The only thing I need right now, is to swim in a canyon of his tears, because they're filled with trust, but how is that possible without him losing his mind for my pleasure? I want to kiss him, hard, and passionately, but I don't want his lips to leave misery's after taste in my mouth.

"I want to make love to you once more Quistis, but how do I run from the world when it gets back at me? I don't deserve that kind of pleasure, so I'd have to pay everybody back, for stealing it from you...but I need it...I need it."

He turned, and kissed me. I didn't want to do this. He was right, everything would come down. Not on him...but on me...I'd want it...I'd crave it forever. When it's over, I'd miss it so much, that it'd begin to hurt on the outside, as well as the inside.

__

Don't think Quistis.

His hands wandered over my body, and removed my clothes. He peeled everything I ever knew away, with his fingertips. Those fingertips, which were always subjected to suffering, in a strange way left a trail of silver dust on my body, and made me, feel beautiful.

He lifted me, and sat me on the sink counter. Such an uncomfortable position seemed perfect at the time.

I set my fingers in his hair, and slowly ran my tongue down his shoulders. The salt of his skin could've let me die happily, what a delightful taste.

My quick breathing made his kisses more intense, and I could feel him moving in closer and closer to me.

In my mind, were images of the days how I always wanted him. Seeing him walk so confidently, and using cocky comebacks, to hide who he really was. That made me crazy, it made me want him more and more. Oh how lucky I was, to be brought to paradise, twice by this marvelous life.

I tried not to notice how his path of kisses, made my body so cold when the air touched it, but I just figured...it was angels contacting me, congratulating me, for being under the skin of one of God's finest creations.

Closing my eyes, I let out a joyful cry, when I felt him enter me. It was getting hard to breathe. I could feel sweatdrops on his back, and could smell it, when he came close to me. He was so contagious. I need him near me every second that I'm alive. I can't get enough of him.

Looking out the bathroom window, I could see a bluish mist, seeping slowly in, from Deling City's popular fog machines...our bruises were slowly healing...we were overcoming the pain...we're 100 X's stronger. 

I've finally found what I've been looking for. Holding my head back, I pulled him close to me, and held him tightly. 

When I opened my eyes though, the fog was gone...the only thing seen was his heaving chest, as the bruises moved in and out, in front of me.

.

__

"I don't believe reality could be the way it should. But I believe in fantasy, if you just understood." -Franka Potenta

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Notes: Hi! I was so pleased to come home, and find more reviews! Thanks a bunch! I'm so happy right now, I barely notice the light twitching happening on my lower leg 

I know later on, it's going to drive me mad, while I'm writing chapter 21...oh well, I'll just hope that I get more reviews, which will make _me_ 100 X's stronger! Later Tators! ^_^

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	21. Void

****

Trickle - 21 - Void

__

Why did I smash our universe into the wall? How could I kill everything between us so immediately?

.

Out in the lobby of the hotel, Zell waited for Seifer and I to return.

It turns out that there was a message from Balamb Garden. The cure to kill the poison arrived at 5:00 a.m., and they needed Seifer down there to immediately put it to use.

"The doctor that was supposed to take you back to Balamb last night, is offering to drive us all back, whenever we're ready. So...take your time...but hurry up!"

The smile, and excitedness on Zell's face, was enough to make you want to burst out laughing. He was so serious, and so happy at the same time...strange combination.

.

No one knows how relieved and lucky we are. 

I looked at Seifer.

His now washed hair and cleansed skin made him look the way I always remembered him. The confident smile that he gave made me want to melt into a puddle of solace. The fear that lurked behind his faked calmness never existed. We could now breathe comfortably knowing that we will spend the rest of our lives together.

.

We walked to the infirmary quickly...all of us. It was too hard to pass up an opportunity to watch him swallow this magic liquid, that will not only help him, but also rescue me from the hands of the empty life I came close to living.

Apparently, we weren't the only ones, who wanted to witness his recovery. A smiling and applauding Fujin and Raijin greeted us.

"Hey man! They got the stuff for you!"

"CURE!"

All of us stayed quiet, with baffled looks.

__

Hmm. I guess Irvine was right. They are apologetic. Maybe their afraid of what Seifer would do to them.

I smiled.

"No hard feelings, right? I mean..." Raijin chuckled nervously. "...We were drunk that night, we're really sorry."

"REGRET!"

"You expect him to forgive you, for almost killing him?!"

Selphie blurted in. Her eyebrows were lowered, and I don't think I've ever heard her use that tone before.

Ignoring Selphie, Raijin held out a dark brown hand for Seifer to shake. Just to remind him...that he's sorry.

__

Ha! Sorry...yeah right. Don't touch him.

Squall and Rinoa leaned forward, to see if he was actually going to grab his hand. Zell was in his "fighting mode", with his fists pinched tight. Selphie stood there with one hand on her hip, with an impatient face, while Irvine watched blankly.

Seifer looked down at the hand of his attacker, and narrowed his eyes at Raijin. He wanted to kill him. The look on his face was intense, and through all this hate, and suspense in the air, it was getting hard to breathe.

Turning our heads, we watched close-mouthed as he walked past Raijin's hand, and past the clear sliding doors that read "Infirmary".

.

On Dr. Kadowaki's desk, we could see a small container, holding a clear liquid inside. 

Kadowaki wasn't in, she stepped out...but she left some simple instructions next to the bottle.

__

Hello!

I told you I'd find a cure, didn't I? Well, I had to step out for a bit, but I have some directions for you. They're very easy to follow. Simply cleanse your hands before handling the liquid. Remove the cap, and drink it. Drink it in one gulp. You'll feel a strange tingling in your body, but it's completely normal!

Good Luck!

Kadowaki

Seifer set the note down slowly, and without saying anything, walked to the bathroom, and washed his hands. 

I turned around. Smiling...wide...like the schoolgirl I've told you about. This is great! I didn't know that we would find the remedy so soon.

Squall and Rinoa held eachother, and smiled back at me. Selphie jumped up excitedly, and gave me the thumbs up sign. Irvine and Zell were joking happily, about the whole incident being over with...and in the corner of the room, by the window, Raijin and Fujin smiled at me. The smile didn't look right, but I guess nothing from them does. 

I looked away.

Seifer walked out of the bathroom, drying his hands, and carefully reached for the medicine.

"Hey man! Come over here, and drink it...we want to watch you recover up close!"

Raijin pointed to an empty spot next to him. 

Fujin smiled and nodded her head.

We all looked, shrugged and gave a "Yeah, why not see it up close?" look.

.

This is incredible. Who would've thought that he'd be cured today? I no longer have to dream. This container held a small amount of liquid, which could change the world. I could see the world we have a vision of inside. Ah yes, it was the lake we loved to swim in. 

The amount of happiness in the room, seemed imaginary...but no...It wasn't. Everyone _wanted_ to see Seifer put back together. The people in this room never questioned me, and asked "Why Seifer?" They could see what I see. The scared boy, the confident man, the powerful fighter, the incredible lover, the most impeccable person you're ever going to meet.

When being about seven inches away from everyone, Seifer removed the cap slowly, hesitated, and raised the edge of the glass to his lips.

All eyes were focused on him.

I looked over at Fujin and Raijin. 

Raijin had his hand placed on Fujin's shoulder, lightly tapping it with his finger, while she smiled sinisterly.

__

That can't be right. Wait! What if this is some kind of trick? Why would they want to see Seifer recover?

Seifer tilt his head back, and raised the glass.

__

I don't know what came over me.

"NO! Don't drink it!"

I had to slap it out of his tight grasp, and through the struggle, we finally heard the fragile flask shatter as it crashed into a wall, and broke to pieces.

__

But, wait...what if it WASN'T a trick?!

I closed my eyes, thinking of what I just did.

"Quistis! What are you doing?"

Irvine yelled. Selphie looked as if she was about to cry.

Squall covered his eyes, in annoyance, while Rinoa asked why.

"What the hell Quistis? That was the cure in his hand damnit!"

Zell shook his hands angrily, trying his best not to throw me on the ground, and begin beating me.

Fujin and Raijin looked surprised, and angry at what I did.

__

Why did I smash our universe into the wall? How could I kill everything between us so immediately? 

Seifer stood there looking at me, with a hurt, mad, and confused look.

I opened my mouth to try to explain why, but my voice was silent, and what I said didn't really make sense.

"You better have a damn good reason!" Zell continued yelling.

Away from the sighing, frustrated cries, and irate looks, Rinoa suddenly gasped, and pointed to the wall that the fluid spilled onto. 

At first, we didn't see what she was pointing at.

The wall looked smooth. So far, there was nothing to see. But I looked lower to where the "antidote" splattered, and was so puzzled to find a huge hole burnt into the milky white wall; while below, the remains of the glass lay peacefully...undiscovered.

.

__

"I want to see you falling off the world." -Transister

****

Notes: Whoa! That was a near death experience! Was that really the cure? No, it can't be normal for a life saving remedy to burn a hole into a wall...can it? Who put it there? And where is the "real" remedy? It has to have been replaced...hmm, I'm sure you guys have a pretty good idea on who did this.

To see if you're right or not...wait for chapter 22!

P.s. Thanks for the reviews! I love you guys! Seriously, I do. (Am I scaring you yet?) ^_~

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	22. Hypocrite

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Trickle - 22 - Hypocrite

__

The scene was all too familiar. It looked just like the night we were beaten. What are we doing?

.

After staring at the cavity on the wall, for about 16 seconds, Seifer quickly looked at Fujin and Raijin. His breathing was fast, and everyone got terrified looks on their faces, afraid to see what was going to happen.

Raijin and Fujin stood there, with surprised looks, but it turned to fear when Seifer took a little step towards them.

"Hey man, you don't think I did it, did you?"

Everyone turned and looked at Fujin and Raijin, who were backing up...afraid.

Without thinking, Seifer ran up to Raijin, pushed him against the wall, and began strangling him. 

"No--man! I didn't--do--do--it."

Raijin was losing air, and his face was colored such a bright red, compared to Seifer's pale hands, rung around his neck.

Fujin stood there, and watched, afraid of what Seifer might do next.

"Seifer stop! Maybe they didn't do it!!"

Selphie yelled over the sound of Raijin's gasping for air, and the stream of obscenities, flowing out of Seifer's mouth.

"I'm going to get rid of you, once and for all. Talk about betrayl...look at that!"

He let go of his neck, violently grabbed his shirt, as Raijin's done to him, and pointed to the hole in the wall.

"I swear man! I didn't do it!"

Seifer let out a laugh, and slammed him against the wall, even harder.

"You little BASTARD! You expect me to believe that?!" 

Raijin looked so afraid, and for a moment, I actually felt sorry for the guy. I couldn't believe that this terrified person held against the wall, is the reason for the stitches on Seifer. I couldn't believe that he is the cause for the bruises on my arms, and behind my knees.

Strange enough, nobody stopped Seifer. They watched him throw Raijin into the wall, and abuse him. They saw the veins protrude from his hands, as they rung around Raijin's dying neck. Sure we yelled, "Stop it!" a couple of times, and even let out a "Let's hear what they have to say!" We didn't try that hard to make him stop though. Nothing seemed to shake Seifer...he said he was going to get him back, and this is exactly what he was doing.

"ENOUGH!"

Fujin placed her hands over her ears, and began shaking her head, trying to get the sound of Raijin's cries for help, out of her mind. Her pale silver hair, swung from side to side, and hit her in the face a couple of times, but everyone ignored her. When she tried pulling Seifer away from Raijin, Squall and Rinoa held her back.

__

The scene was all too familiar. It looked just like the night we were beaten. What are we doing?

Seifer was laughing, just as Raijin did, at the sight of struggling for air. It was so hard to believe that a man that could make you so beautiful could be so brutal.

"Quistis! Tell him to stop!" Selphie pleaded with me. "He'll only listen to you!"

I just looked at her, and looked away.

Why wasn't I stopping him? Why wasn't anyone stopping him? Did they really do it? Of course they did. It's obvious what their plans are. Get rid of Seifer, once and for all, so they wouldn't have to fear him. Blame the remedy that ate away his life on Dr. Kadowaki...after all...she is the one who found the cure. But why, why Seifer? They respected him.

.

When Raijin finally went limp in Seifer's hands, he backed away, and gazed at his work. Raijin slid down the floor slowly...his eyes closed.

Is he dead?

Fujin took one look at Raijin, and screamed. She looked exactly like me. Her head was held back, her eyes were closed...and she was crying. A lot. Her screaming was loud, and it caused most of his to give a startled jump. 

I looked at Seifer. How could he do something like this? It was okay to get Raijin and Fujin back for what they've done, but it's not okay to kill them.

Thoughts of what to do flowed through our heads. Seifer moved far away from Raijin's body, and Squall began trying to recover him. Rinoa tried calming Fujin down, but it was no use.

Suddenly, I had the feeling that they had nothing to do, with the medicine that burned the wall.

__

What have we done?

The infirmary doors swished open, and Dr. Kadowaki walked in carrying a tray of her breakfast. Dropping her tray, she quickly ran over, when she saw the huddle we formed around the lifeless body propped up against the wall.

"What the hell is going on here?!"

Two passing students came, and stuck their heads in the door to see what was going on. What they saw was Fujin going crazy and Selphie standing there, silently crying. 

Irvine was trying to tell the students there was nothing to see, and Zell helped Squall and Dr. Kadowaki resuscitate Raijin. Rinoa still continued trying to shush Fujin.

Seifer and I withdrew from the chaos. He sat in a waiting chair, and stared down at his hands. I've seen him violent before, but I've never seen him stop to think about what he just did. 

Standing in front of him, I looked down at his hands. The fingertips that made me so fragile and pretty last night were tainted with rage, and I was afraid to touch them. In the background things were in such disorder. Raijin was being carried to a medical bed.

"Quistis, we need room to get through!"

Dr. Kadowaki raised her voice, she sounded a bit angry, but calm. She stood in front of Squall and Zell who were carrying him, and cleared the path. Without saying anything I backed away...and through all this noise, I heard the glass from the container shatter to even smaller pieces, as it was squashed under my heel.

.

__

"Drag me down, I feel I'm sinking. I can't relate to what you're thinking." -Lush

****

Notes: Uh-oh! Trouble! Is Raijin going to make it? Is Seifer going to get caught for what he did? What about the hole in the wall? Quistis has a feeling Fujin and Raijin had nothing to do with it. Of course, she could be wrong...but if she's not...who did it? And where the heck is the real medication? You'll have to wait for the next chapter to see what happens.

(Ooh...Thanks for the reviews!) *Smiles happily* ^_^

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	23. Nerve Gas

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Trickle - 23 - Nerve Gas

__

I need to remember this day. I'm never going to forget this day.

.

I sat with Seifer. I really wish I knew what he was thinking right now. His face was so expressionless; I couldn't tell what was going on. Looking in his eyes, I couldn't even see anything hiding behind his false tranquility, the only thing I saw was my reflection in them...I looked more empty than he did.

Everyone crowded around the bed, and watched Raijin's chest slowly rise and fall. He was going to be okay.

Nobody would talk to us. Why? Were they afraid to come near Seifer now? His anger his been bottled up for so long, I'm surprised that it didn't come out worse than what happened.

"It's going to be okay."

I reached my hand out, and placed it on his back. He was tense I could feel it. He sat looking at the ground.

Farther in the room, I could hear Dr. Kadowaki talking to the entire group.

"Okay, just keep an eye on him, I need to talk to Seifer and Quistis. If he stops breathing, just call for me."

__

Oh boy, here it comes...

.

"Seifer...Quistis..."

We both looked up at her. She was motioning for us to enter a little room, which held cases of extra bandages, clean sheets, toilet paper...etc.

After walking into the room, she shut the door quickly.

"I need to know what's going on here."

We stayed quiet.

"Why didn't you drink the remedy? Why is Raijin laying in a hospital trying to breathe right now?!"

None of us answered.

"Damnit! I need answers! If none of you guys speak up, I'm going to have to call the Sheriff back to the school, and make him force some answers out."

"They replaced the remedy with some kind of poison. It burned a hole through the wall...it would've killed Seifer immediately if he drank it. Out of anger, Seifer went after Raijin. Fujin and Raijin have been starting a lot of crap with him lately."

I sighed; letting out all the information that was getting so repetitive.

Dr. Kadowaki looked at Seifer.

"Hole in the wall?"

He nodded.

She exited the room, and stared at the opening for awhile. She then said a few words to the crowd around Raijin, watched them leave, and returned back to us.

"I'm going to go to the office, and explain what happened. Don't touch the glass or anything on the floor...I'll be back."

She left quickly, and Seifer and I stayed standing in front of the door of the storage room.

__

I need to remember this day. I'm never going to forget this day.

"I need a pen Seifer."

"For what?"

"I need to remember this day."

"Uh...why do you want to remember this day."

"It's the day that I almost regreted seeing Raijin decay."

I turned and peeked into the room he was in. The lights were shut off, and there was a nearby machine pumping air into his nostils. The soft sound of the machine humming made the room so eerie. I can't really explain it.

Seifer began searching the Dr.'s desk for a pen. 

"Maybe there's one down here some where."

He moved down on the other end of the room, by some drawers, and began slowly searching through all the knick-knacks and personal belongings of injured students that forgot to pick them up, when they were healed.

I opened Kadowaki's desk drawer, and found a notebook. Normal eyes would've looked past the olive green cover, but something stood out about it.

__

Look through it quietly Quistis. Don't let Seifer know what you're reading.

Pulling the book out of the drawer quietly, I flipped to the page that was the most recent.

.

__

"The cure isn't going to arrive for another 2 weeks, and honestly...I don't think he's going to be here to receive it. I hate to see him suffer in this condition. I thought he was strong, but with the stomach wound, I'm not sure anymore. I'm leaving him a note, telling him the cure arrived. I'm not sure if it's going to be painful when he swallows it, but...it's better this way, then for Quistis to become too attached to him. I filled a container with--"

"Strangely Quistis..."

I shoved the book back into the drawer, startled by Seifer's voice.

"I don't see any pens, or anything to write with in here."

"Yeah..." I smiled at him, and shut the drawer. "I can't find any either."

He rearranged items back to the order they were put in.

"Let's get out of here...I've always hated this infirmary."

"Alright, I've never been too fond of this place either."

I put my arm around his waist, while he placed his arm on my shoulder. Upon leaving the room, we walked past the hole again. I took a quick look at it.

The wall stood there, with its brown wooden insides showing. Little droplets that splattered against the wall left little craters surrounding the void.

At a quicker pace, Seifer and I walked outside, where it was brightly lit. Out of all the damage done to us...why would she want to contribute to it? Supposedly, she wants what's best for him and me. I guess next time she's faced with life threatening problems...the only remedy is to instantly kill everything she's ever known.

.

__

"I meant to heal the pain you feel. Keep it in, don't let it spill." -Killing Heidi

****

Notes: Howdy! How's it going? I didn't want to leave you guys in suspense forever, 'cause I'd hate to see you in that condition...although...this chapter probably left you in even more suspense. (Sorry!) I'd love to sit here, and begin chapter 24...but I'm going to go dye my hair. (Can't get enough of hair dye!) But you know what? Since I care about y'all so much...I'll continue, as soon as I return! Toodle-oO! ^_^

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	24. Deliver

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Trickle - 24 - Deliver

__

I've just been telling myself that's how he is. He's pale...naturally...just like his hands are always cold.

.

That evening, I insisted that Seifer spend the night with me. And now...here we are...lying in my bed together. I can't help but notice how action filled my days have been, ever since we admitted our feelings to each other.

The sunrises were more breathtaking, and nightfall was no longer depressing.

Seifer lay there, with one arm behind his head, and I rested my head on his chest.

"What are you thinking of?"

"I'm thinking about being healed."

I closed my eyes.

__

You're going to be healed. Trust me.

I began running my fingers down his vest. The material was soft, and without his trench coat in the way, it was so easy to get close to him.

"Sleep Seifer...please."

He stroked my hair, and we both drifted off.

.

I stepped into the dark infirmary.

__

"I'm going to get rid of you once and for all!" 

I could hear glass shatter in the background.

__

"I'm not sure if it's going to be painful if he swallows it."

Dr. Kadowaki's voice echoed over and over, as I looked at the hole in the wall.

__

"It's better than to have Quistis get too attached."

"I didn't do it man!"

Fujin screamed loudly, and over the sound of her screaming, I could hear the machine pushing oxygen into Raijin's chest.

.

I awoke quickly, and looked over at my clock. 

The ruby lights stood out, from way across the room.

1:37 a.m.

To my right, Seifer slept soundly. Still with his arm behind his head. I rubbed my eyes, and touched my feet to the ground, waiting until I was strong enough to stand, and when I was...I exited the room.

.

Out in the hall, it was empty, as usual. 

I crossed my arms, to keep the cold, from the air ducts above from getting through. I only had a sleeveless shirt and sweats on, so it'd be pretty embarrassing if I ran into anyone right now.

In the lobby of the school, the vending machines from inside the teacher's lounge shined through the crystal windows and the gentle pitter-patter of my bare feet echoed through on the polished tile.

Everyone was asleep, I felt like I was the only one awake. The only buildings open right now, was the training center, and the infirmary.

.

The sliding doors made a "zip" noise, as I passed them. I looked like a total wreck right now, but this was the only way to approach Kadowaki, without Seifer knowing of her plans.

Inside, she was writing something down. Not in the green journal I saw...on a yellow slip of paper, instead.

"Making more plans? Writing more about us?"

I crossed my arms angrily, and my voice needed some adjusting, but I was too upset to take notice.

She looked up quickly.

"Quistis, what are you doing in here? You don't look so good...do you need anything?"

"Yeah, I do need something."

She stood up, and tried to sit me in a chair provided. I furiously pulled my arm away.

"Why are you trying to kill him?"

She backed up a bit. Little silver hairs were lined through her black hair, and her eyes looked as if she hasn't slept in days. 

"Where did you get that idea?"

"Look Dr. I'm tired, and I already read what you wrote. I could quote it word for word, if you need me to. I need to know why the damn medicine is taking so long to arrive, why you lied to me, and told me Seifer was strong enough, what makes you think he's not going to survive, and what the hell was in the bottle."

I blinked slowly, trying to become more awake. 

"Quistis. It's obvious. I don't know if you noticed, but he is very pale...and--"

"Just STOP IT! Tell me where the treatment is, and I'll get it myself."

She looked at me confused.

Tears were backing up in my eyes. I _had_ noticed how colorless he's been getting. I've just been telling myself that's how he is. He's pale...naturally...just like his hands are always cold.

"Quistis, honey...I'm--"

She walked towards me, to hug me, and comfort me.

"Where is the medicine?"

I backed away, tears were coming down, but it wasn't that noticeable.

She approached me again.

"Where is the GOD DAMN MEDICINE?!" I raised my fist, to stop her from coming near me. "Maybe you don't care about him, but I DO! NOW TELL ME WHERE IT IS!"

She sighed.

We got silent.

I knew for a fact that she knew where the bottle was. I looked around the room, to find something I could threaten her, or myself with. 

Nearby on a silver table lay a scalpel. It didn't look that sharp, but it'd get the job done. Grabbing it quickly, I placed it to my neck.

"Quistis! Put that down"

I shook my head, and lowered my voice.

"I swear to God, I'll do it...if he's going to die, then I am too."

"Honey, it's late. We could talk about this in the morni--" 

"TELL ME WHERE IT IS!" My un-adjusted voice mixed with tears made me sound so different.

She became mute, looked down, and pointed to a small wooden cabinet placed on the wall.

.

__

"Where do we begin to get clean again?" -Third Eye Blind

****

Notes: My hair is now dyed, and I am a new person! Physically anyways, well..I---*Gasps*

Wait a minute! What do we have here? She had the cure all along, and she didn't tell anyone?! Or...wait...is this a trick? *Arches eyebrow* Hmm....Stick around for chapter 25 and find out.

What did you think of this chapter? Let your reviews tell me!! Puh-lease!

I want to give thankies for the new reviews! You guys are my universe! 

*People give me a strange look, before running out of the room*

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	25. Cerulean

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Trickle - 25 - Cerulean

__

If this room could talk, it'd question my reason for smiling so happily right now.

.

Lowering the scalpel, I stood there, and stared at her.

"That's right, it's in there, take it and leave. Don't ask any questions."

She covered her eyes, upset that I found her hiding spot, and sat in a waiting chair.

__

This is too easy.

.

Slowly walking over, I stopped and stared at the medium sized medicine chest. The wood was old, and rotting, and strange enough, I have never seen it in here before.

I wrapped my fingers around the edge of the splintered door, sighed, and then carefully pulled it open. 

Inside...in the center, lay a familiar looking jar with an intense blue fluid swimming within it. It swished around, as if someone had the container in their hand, and was shaking it violently.

__

It laid in front of me, waiting for me to reach out to it. The liquid that would slide down Seifer's throat, and make him less weak.

Looking deeper into the splashing waves, I could see us swimming in it. The tears that I just cried, were no longer clouding up my eyes, and the scalpel I held was dropped to the ground.

Picking it up slowly, I held the glass clasped in my hands, like a beautiful creature I couldn't let get away, and looked at Dr. Kadowaki. She was sitting there pouting like a child.

"Why...why did you--"

"Quistis, I said not to ask...just leave, don't tell anyone about this incident. Take it, and get out."

__

Was she so amazed by finding this that she wanted to keep it for herself?

After thinking about the scene that I just acted out to get this, I became embarrassed for a brief moment, but it passed.

I had no idea, that after walking through those moving doors, that this was the last time I'd see Dr. Kadowaki.

.

Back in my dorm, it was colder than I expected. The moon shined through the window curtains, and left a shimmery white square on my floor. In this silence, I could hear the stream moving around.

I smiled, and set the bottle on my desk. It glowed, and provided enough light for me to find my journal in the darkness.

.

April 25

If this room could talk, it'd question my reason for smiling so happily right now, but if it had eyes, it wouldn't need to ask. All it would have to do is look at Seifer's life sitting right in front of me.

I cannot believe that it was lying in the infirmary all this time. I can't believe that the struggle we went through, to heal Seifer is going to end tonight. I just can't believe that everything is going to work out for us!

One thing that's puzzling me though is...Dr. Kadowaki. I still don't understand why she didn't give it to us.

.

Closing the book, I quietly walked to Seifer, and tapped him.

"I have a surprise for you! You won't believe what I found! But...You have to be awake to find it."

He stayed silent...his eyes still closed.

I laughed.

"Come on Seifer...wake up! Look!"

I shook his hand, quickly.

"I have the cure!"

Pointing to the blue light...my heart slowly dropped. 

No, no....Please God no.

I sat there silently, and assured myself they he needed a few more minutes to sleep. 

I suddenly realized that in this unsoundness, I couldn't hear Seifer breathing...just the incoming tide, and my head caving in.

.

__

"Don't you wanna be happy with me?" -Veruca Salt

****

Notes: Sorry this chapter took so long to come out. I'm coming down with something, and I'm barely able to sit here. I keep wanting to crash down onto the keyboard. I don't know what's wrong! The space between my eyebrows is really beginning to ache, and I am so dizzy. 

I'm going to lay down for a bit. I hope you enjoyed this chapter...I really wish I had enough strength to start 26 now. *Sniff*

Please make me a happy camper, and review.

****


	26. Spiders

****

Trickle - 26 - Spiders

__

"She didn't want to see what I would do, if Seifer didn't come back."

.

This isn't real. I know he's alive. He has to be!

Backing away from the bed slowly, I stared at his body.

"No Seifer! Wake up! Come on, this isn't funny!"

It seemed we were miles apart. It seemed he could hear me, but he was deciding not to answer. He was watching me break down, and he wanted to listen to it. He was alive a minute ago...he was holding me seconds ago, but he was being cruel, and wanted to feel me die.

Not knowing what to do, I quickly ran out into the hall, and began banging on Squall's room door hysterically.

.

"Squall! Come out! Something's wrong with Seifer!"

I was screaming, and was surprised to find out, that I only ended up waking him and Rinoa.

It took about 13 seconds for him to open the door. He stood there rubbing his eyes.

"What?!" 

I could tell he was not fully awake, by the sound of his voice, and the way he looked so disoriented.

Rinoa appeared from the darkness of their room not saying anything, and ran into mine. We followed her.

"How could this happen? Did you wake up and find him like this?"

Squall's voice was shaky. He was nervous. It was hard to believe that the man responsible for the scar across his forehead may be dead.

He ran over, and began shaking Seifer quickly, giving him a few swift pats on the cheek. Rinoa stood there, with her head in her hands, shocked, and afraid to see Squall back away, and join us, because there was no hope. 

I withdrew from the madness. 

The room was still dark, no on had bothered to turn the light on. None of us seemed to notice at the time that the only light we had was a blue glow, which made us all look like we were dead.

"STOP IT! Stop hitting him!"

I crazily pulled Squall off of Seifer, who was lying there defenseless.

He just looked at me, and turned away angrily.

.

It got silent.

"What are we going to do?!" Rinoa was pacing back and forth quickly, Squall sat on the edge of the bed, with his head in his hands, and I finally reached for the bottle.

"I don't know if this is going to work, but we could at least try." I sounded different. I was calm, but I was losing it. I was dead, but I was breathing.

Removing the cap, I tilted his head back, and poured our universe...our paradise into his mouth.

.

We all stood and watched. All I needed to see was a simple twitch. A blink of his eyes, I need him to sit up, and hold me. We could laugh at the incident. No, we wouldn't even laugh about it. It'd only be brought back up, when there's a day we have to share the moment we each died.

With Seifer gone, a small part of all of us is dead. There wouldn't be life in the hallways anymore. There wouldn't be no one to make us feel small, because we need that sometimes. There wouldn't be no one to be afraid of. There'd be no one to love. No one to make you laugh when you need it, no one to tell you to go ahead cry, when there's something bothering you. In a unkind way, there'd be no one to feel special, because in their eyes, they had more than Seifer ever will.

Squall and Rinoa looked on, as I laid my head on his chest.

__

Please wake up Seifer.

"Give it time Quistis, it needs to sink in...Give it time."

Squall was trying to calm me down. I guess he could hear my mind screaming.

__

Come on, I feel you...come to me.

"We could still go Seifer...it's waiting for us...there's time...we could still go."

I ran my fingers down his hands. I'm so unstable. I feel so dizzy. I don't know how long I can hold on.

Rinoa buried her face in Squall's chest. She couldn't watch my face be so expressionless. She didn't want to hear me talking about leaving everyone behind. She didn't want to see what I would do, if Seifer didn't come back.

While a small part of everyone would be missing...if he doesn't wake up soon...EVERY part of me would be gone with him.

.

__

"Dreams are made winding through my head." -System of a Down

****

Notes: I'm baaack! Sorry it took so long. I've been having some problems, and today... My boyfriend...*sniff* BROKE UP WITH ME! *Holding back tears* You're probably wondering why I'm telling you this...well...you guys are my reviewers...my friends, I think you have a right to know where I've been. I'm not sure if our relationship is enough to get so sad about. There wasn't much to save...I just thought that when he told me he cared about my well being...that he meant it. I knew it would end...I just didn't think it would today. 

I'm going to go now...those that care...do me a favor...write me reviews? *Hopeful look in eyes*

Chapter 27 will be posted when I'm finished feeling guilty, and dumb. 

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	27. Skin

****

Trickle - 27 - Skin

__

To my surprise, when I slept that night, I didn't taste his pain lingering in my mouth.

.

I felt everything come down on me. I realized things were never going to be the same. Why did I take the time to enter everything in my journal? Why didn't I just rush in, and give him the medicine? I would soon be feeling Heaven's angels, as they pull me to the gates. Wait, instead would I be dragged away by the claws of the Devil, for taking so long to heal the Planet's only son? Of course I would...I never get what I want. 

"I never get what I want."

Rinoa let out a breath of amazement, and I figured that she was just frightened by the things I was saying. 

A cold hand reached up, and touched my naked shoulder. It 'caused me to shiver. 

"I don't want to leave yet!"

I began crying into Seifer's stomach, when I realized that I could taste his life. He was breathing.

.

Quickly looking over at him, I could see him coming back to me.

Squall stood there dazed, while Rinoa squeezed him tighter. In the darkness, I couldn't tell if she was smiling, or crying...either one...it was a good thing.

"What? Seifer?" My voice echoed in the room.

Still confused, I sat up off of him, and watched him.

It was the most immaculate thing anyone would ever see.

.

He sat up slowly, and rubbed his eyes.

It was obvious that he didn't know what was going on. He was returning from a deep sleep, and it was a very pleasant bonus to find people on the verge of tears greeting him back. 

All of us stood there, and stared. He continued sitting there, his hands pressed on the bed holding his unsteady body up, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness.

From where I was standing, I could see that he was narrowing his eyes.

"Squall, Rinoa....is that you? What the hell are you guys doing in here at..." he peered over at the clock, "2:40 a.m.?!"

__

I never thought I'd hear him talk again.

.

I laughed, sat on the bed...and hugged him. I didn't want to let go. Inhaling his scent, I gently kissed his neck. I can't forget this moment. I need to remember everything. The way he smells...the way he tastes, the way he feels.

Sitting there confused he hugged me back.

"Well, this is a nice way to be woken up." He laughed, and held me tighter. His warm arms wrapped all the way around my cold arms...his fingertips sending a surge through my body...letting me know that he really was there.

__

It was so beautiful to hear him speak to me.

Rinoa let out a happy squeal, and began silently crying in Squall's shoulder.

"Hey man, it's good to have you back." 

Holding Rinoa, Squall smiled and gave a little wave.

"Have me back?!"

"Yeah, it is so good to have you back."

I let go of him, and looked at him.

The moon shining through the window left a white half circle on his face. His eyes studied mine for an explanation of what was going on.

"Oh Seifer..."I chuckled, halfway crying. "...It's too long of a story...all I want to do right now, is sleep beside you. I want you to hold me tonight. I want you to tell me if you're going to leave."

We kissed...like we've never kissed before. Passionate...long...rough. To my surprise, when I slept that night, I didn't taste his pain lingering in my mouth. I could taste him...his life...and oh, what a beautiful taste it was.

.

__

"Your skin makes me cry. You float like a feather in a beautiful world." -Radiohead

****

Notes: Hi-hello. Well folks...I'm getting back on track. I'm "all cried out"...I feel so much better now. Seifer's alive! Isn't this exciting? It's excellent! Superb! Hooray! Quistis can now sleep better at night, knowing that nothing will come in the way...but wait...the story isn't over yet...*people in the background moan and complain* Nope...sorry folks...there's still some more chapters to go...

To those that actually enjoy this story....I LOVE YOU! Thanks so much for your support!

Chapter 28 will be posted soon. Yee-haw! (Sorry, something's bringing out the Irvine in me.) ^_^;

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	28. Possess

****

Trickle - 28 - Possess

__

"I know something will soon destroy us again...something always finds us."

.

When the sun arose...I was so happy to see Seifer silently laying there sleeping. I could've watched something like that for hours. I could not only feel how clean he is...I could see it. 

The sun left golden paths all over his body. It was the Seifer I used to see. It reminded me of the time we had our mission in Dollet. He was standing there in the sunlight...looking so assured...bronze...sexy. It's so hard to believe that the person I've been waiting for, is the person I actually get to wake up with each morning.

Smiling, I buried my face on his shoulder and went back to sleep.

.

__

There was a quick knock at the door.

Raising my head slowly, I looked over at the door. My eyes were still kind of closed, and it was so hard to open them. Staying silent, I waited to hear someone yell into the door "Come on Quistis, open up."

"So, she found the cure last night, and now Seifer is healed? That's GREAT!"

"Yeah, that's what Squall said. He doesn't really know how she got the cure...but get this; Dr. Kadowaki transferred to a different school this morning. She left. So, if she didn't get the cure from Kadowaki, where'd it come from?"

Listening in on the conversation, I could hear Selphie and Irvine trying to quietly talk, before I actually opened the door.

"Wow, that's awesome. Who cares where she got it? Seifer's cured!"

Selphie laughed, and knocked on the door once more.

Slowly getting up, I walked over to the door. Instead of me answering though, Seifer sat up quickly, and walked over to it.

.

It seemed he has been awake for hours, and he was just lying in bed. His hair wasn't messed up...he was dressed...and he looked very alert.

__

Maybe he cleaned up when I was asleep.

He opened the door widely, and fitting into the square frame, I could see Irvine and Selphie standing there. 

Selphie's eyes widened when she saw Seifer standing there, looking so purified, and brand new. Irvine had his arm around her, and I could tell that he was trying to restrain her from jumping up and down, and hugging Seifer hysterically.

We all stood there silently. Everyone looked so fully awake, except for me. I was still in the sweats and sleeveless shirt. My hair was falling around my face.

"So...how's it going?"

Seifer broke the silence, and backed away welcoming Irvine and Selphie into the room.

They still stood in the hallway.

.

I wanted to walk up and greet them, but I felt so groggy, instead I stumbled to the bathroom, forcing myself to wake up. From inside of it, I could hear them talking.

"It's so great to have you back Seifer!"

"Have me back?"

"Yeah, to be honest, I thought you'd never get cured."

__

Silence.

"What do you mean, "cured"? I'm cured?! The poison is gone?"

Turning the knob on the sink faucet, I splashed cold water onto my face to help me gain consciousness, so I'd be able to fully understand myself what was going on around me.

"Yeah! You're cured! Where's Quistis, why isn't she celebrating with us?"

Walking out of the bathroom, drying my face, Seifer turned and gave me a very wide smile. I lowered the towel, and smiled back at him.

"So...we're thinking of having a little welcome back party for you Seifer...you know, almost half of the school knows that you were affected by that poison, and we want to congratulate you on your recovery. The Garden Festival Committee already "Okayed" it, and although it may seem a little soon...it's tonight!" Selphie jumped happily finishing her sentence. "So will you come?"

"A party? For me?"

Seifer turned his back to me, and faced Selphie.

She nodded, with her hands clasped together, and a bright look in her eyes. Irvine gave me an annoyed look, shook his head and smiled at me.

__

She does have A LOT of parties, but this one is exclusively for Seifer.

I smiled at the thought of the whole school, which usually held thousands of students who feared and hated Seifer, now contained thousands of people who want to see him walk into a room. 

Seifer stood there silently, confused by the same thing I was thinking of.

He finally shrugged, and agreed to go. He then said goodbye to a very happy Selphie, and a bored Irvine, and walked over to me.

"So, that's why everyone in here was crowded around me last night, welcoming me back?"

I nodded.

By the look on his face, I could tell that he was as happy as everyone else was.

"Wait...where'd you find the cure?"

"Desperate times call for desperate measures...I just...I dunno, it's a long story."

"I have time."

He went to sit on my bed, and patted an empty spot beside him.

Smiling, I quickly sat next to him.

"Well...I couldn't sleep...so I decided to go for a walk..."

He nodded his head. He had an intent look on his face. It reminded me of the way he looked when I used to have to explain missions to him.

Still explaining.... I placed my hand on his and held it tightly. He squeezed it back, and smiled.

__

I'm not going to say it was an easy mission to cure Seifer. I know something will soon destroy us again...something always finds us.

.

"I want to hold you like nothing's going to stop us." -Bush

****

Notes: *Cries* I haven't been updating, and I've been hoping to come online, and find reviews. *Sniff* Don't get me wrong...I'm getting some...(thanks!) But not as much as I used to! 

Maybe because I haven't been updating? I haven't been updating because I've been seriously thinking about taking the story down. *People in the background cheer* Your reviews are what keep the story alive! Please help me update sooner...Puh-lease review!

Chapter 29 will be posted soon. ^_^

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	29. Haze

****

Trickle - 29 - Haze

__

God, I hate having all eyes on me.

.

Even after describing my near death experience to get the cure for Seifer, nothing was able to tear the happiness away from him. Of course he wasn't smiling when I explained in detail how I pressed the dull blade against my neck, but I could still see there was something inside, reminding him that what I did didn't kill me, and that now we have the rest of our lives ahead of us. He was in such a good mood, that he insisted that we visit Raijin, who was still in the infirmary. He wanted to "apologize" for putting him in that bed...he does deserve an apology...but we deserved one too.

.

In front of the infirmary it was a bit crowded, and I didn't see anyone that I could recognize. Some students were sitting on nearby benches, upset and confused, because of Dr. Kadowaki transferring.

There was a brown-haired girl crying into a blonde girl's shoulder.

"She was so--" ...sniff..."-so nice, what would make her want to leave?"

Seifer stood there and listened to them. I guess he was still angry with Kadowaki trying to kill him with the fake remedy, because he just gave a smirk, shook his head, and continued into the infirmary.

Still standing there, I looked at about 10 students who were breaking down about the whole matter. Most of them were female students. Some cried hard into their hands, as if they've seen a friend killed instantly. Some comforted each other. Some just stood there, and observed it all. 

I felt so bad and selfish seeing this. I was the one who drove Kadowaki away, but if everyone knew that she tried killing Seifer, would they still be crying?

__

Should I tell them what I knew about their beloved doctor? Would that help? Would they still linger in front of her office and sob, as if she died?

It was so hard to stop thinking about it, considering that I had to walk past a thousand more flushed faces to get to the entrance.

.

Inside, it was less crowded. I could see Seifer in the back room talking, expressing regret to Fujin, who stood there with her arms crossed. She looked angry, but also relieved that this was actually Seifer being the first to speak to them. 

I was about to approach them, but a young girl, with dirty brown hair caught my eye. She wore a nametag that read "Ling". 

__

Ling? Is she the new doctor?

Standing there, I stared at her. She looked very small and fragile, in the big white coat that I was so used to seeing Dr. Kadowaki wear. She carefully applied a bandage to a male student's arm. Her lips looked sewn shut. She was very focused on what she was doing, a simple job like wrapping cloth around someone's arm seemed so complex to her.

When the student exited the room, she put the extra bandage away, and looked over at me.

"Can I help you? Do you need help with anything?"

I just stood there and stared at her.

"Do you need to sit down?" She laughed. "Do you talk?"

I finally smiled, and nodded.

"No, I'm just...Hi, I'm Quistis Trepe, I'm an Instructor here."

Holding my hand out, she grabbed it lightly. His hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail, and her skin was pale. She was very pretty, she looked so young.

"Oh, hello. I'm Ling." She chuckled and pointed to her nametag. "I'm the new doctor here, Dr. um...Kadowaki?"

I nodded.

"Yeah, Dr. Kadowaki moved over to a different garden, and I'm here to take her place."

"Hmm, alright well nice to meet you Ling, I'll see you around."

"Okay then, bye Quincy."

__

Quincy?

"It's uh...Quis..never mind."

Ignoring what I just said, she walked to her new desk, and drank from a shiny pink coffee mug.

I turned around and entered the room Seifer was in.

.

"It's okay, ya know? You don't have to apologize man, it should be Fujin and I saying sorry to you."

The door to the little cubicle swished shut, and it 'caused all three of them to turn and look at me.

__

God, I hate having all eyes on me.

I looked down embarrassed. It seemed they were all noticing every little imperfection. Staring at the ground, I could see the tattered ends of my dark brown pants that I wore under the peach skirt. My boots looked so used.

.

"As I was saying man, I think it's cool that there's going to be a party in your honor tonight, ya know? I just wish I could go to it."

"Yeah, sorry you can't go."

"STAY!"

"You don't have to stay with me Fujin, go...have a good time, ya know?"

Why isn't anyone talking to me?

"Okay Raijin, I'm going to go now, I have some things to do."

Seifer patted Raijin's shoulders, walked past Fujin, and motioned for me to leave.

.

"Is something bothering you?"

Is something bothering me?

"No...Why?"

"You just seem a little silent, that's all."

"Am I ever noisy?"

Seifer laughed, and put his hands in his pockets.

"Heh, I guess not...I dunno, you just seem troubled about something."

I pressed my lips tight and straightened the sleeves on my shirt.

"No, nothing's bothering me. I'm fine."

"I guess I'll just have to take your word for it then."

"Yeah, you'll have to."

I smiled at him.

"Sorry, but I'm going to go down to the training center for a bit, it seems like I haven't fought for such a long time."

Looking down sadly, I let him go, and proceeded to the library, just for the heck of it.

.

Squall was in there alone, with his jacket placed on the table in front of him. He was in the back of the room, and he had a book placed in his lap. 

With his head lowered to the pages examining them closely, his dark brown hair flowed down, hiding his facial expressions.

I approached him quietly.

"Hi Squall."

He looked up quickly, and shut the book.

"Oh...hi Quistis, how's it going?" He replied slyly, tucking the book under his jacket.

"It's going pretty good."

"Right." He nodded, and swallowed. It seemed he was so startled that he was out of breath.

He looked nervous.

__

What's he reading?

"So...um...What are you reading?"

"Oh, it's nothing...just reading about GF's."

I raised my eyebrows, and slowly placed my hand under his jacket.

"Did you discover a new GF?'

He plunged forward quickly, and sweeped my hand away from the book, causing it to fall to the ground along with his jacket.

"Don't!"

Even with the black leather coiled around it, I could see the cover. I studied the familiar picture of the half-naked couple for awhile, and looked back at Squall who was covering his face in embarrassment.

__

Squall enhancing his sex life? Boy, this book sure does get around.

.

"Where paradise falls, eternity screams." -Unknown 

****

Notes: Whoa, I finally got someone to tell me I need to actually end this story. Hmm, yeah I think you're right, but I've been saving this huge twist/surprise for the ending, and it may take a couple more chapters. (Sorry) Don't worry, it _is_ going to end soon. ^_^; I do have another story in the making; it's going to be great! I need 10 more reviews to make 100...please help me out my dear friends! ^_^

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	30. Taint

****

Trickle - 30 - Taint

__

He looked so beautiful; his excitement weighed my shoulders down.

.

April 26

The party was the greatest! I don't think I've ever had so much fun in my life. I loved seeing the looks on everyone's faces as I walked through the doors, with Seifer's hand held in mine. He's so beautiful. Of course, it isn't over yet. Squall decided to leave, and just hang around outside. The sun is slowly going down, and it's making us all look orange and yellow, and flawless.

It's the best thing, seeing everyone so happy. Rinoa and Selphie are gossiping with each other happily, the four men are doing the whole "guy" thing...(chasing each other like children), and here I am sitting on a bench, telling you how it is. I'm going to join them eventually, I just thought that this book needed to be filled with good news. I can't stress how---

.

"Quistis? It's Dr. Kadowaki, she wants to talk to you."

Seifer held his hand over his cell phone reciever. Usually this phone was only to be used when necessary. It was given to SeeDs, so members from the garden can keep in touch, and be notified when they are needed to help out in missions.

I closed my book, and placed the small black voice box to my ears.

"Hello? Quistis speaking."

"Hi Quistis, its Dr. Kadowaki."

I moved away from Seifer who was returning to his new gang of friends, and sat next to my journal.

"Um, hi how's it going?"

"Things are running pretty smoothly. You're probably wondering why I'm not at Balamb Garden anymore."

I nodded my head, as if she could see me.

"Well, I'm really embarrassed about what I tried to do to Seifer. I know that was a really immature act. I heard that the liquid you gave to him worked though, how's he doing?" 

I looked over at Seifer. He was running around playfully wrestling with Zell and Irvine, while Squall watched, and cheered him on. He did have a rather serious look on his face, but I knew that's how he always looked when he was determined to win. I could tell he was having fun.

"He's doing much better now, it's very obvious."

"That's good. As for hiding the medicine, I wasn't sure if that was the right cure. I didn't think it would work to be honest, I just showed it to you, because I didn't want you to do anything drastic. I've had that blue bottle for awhile, I just didn't know what it was for..."

I stayed silent. I could hear everyone in the background having a good time...I wanted to hang up and join them.

"...I found out that the poison he had is contagious. In a strange way, it's only transmitted sexually. Thank God, I don't think you and Seifer had intercourse...yet."

She laughed.

.........

.

Closing my eyes, I thanked Kadowaki for the information and hung up the phone.

Seifer jogged over, and slung his arm around me. He looked so beautiful; his excitement weighed my shoulders down.

"What was that about?"

"She wanted to apologize for leaving."

"Oh...is anything else bothering you?"

__

No...I'll be okay...won't I?

"I'm fine Seifer, it's just..."

I leaned over, and collected my notebook.

"...You know that big lake...the one that looked like an ocean, that we always used to swim in, the one I used to tell you about?"

He nodded.

"I need to go there."

I think he knew what I was talking about. I did tell him that he wasn't going to fight alone. I'd injure myself, so he wouldn't be left out. I'm pretty sure he won't make me fight on my own. It'll be easy won't it? I dunno. I can't think about it. I just need to get lost with him right now. I need to drown in those intense blue waves...we could still go there.

.

__

"I wonder, if everything could ever be this good again?" -The Foo Fighters

.

The End

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Notes: Backs away from keyboard. Complete. It's COMPLETE! So what did ya think? I need some reviews; this story was so hard to put together, but...so fun. ^_^ I'm glad most of you enjoyed it. What'd you think of the outcome? Whew Doggie...I'm going to begin my other story now...keep an eye out for it! 

Thanks for sticking with me through the whole thing! *Claps excitedly* 

Ahem... *yells loudly* I LOVE YOU GUYS! ^_^;

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